What makes a boring, dull, ordinary sex extraordinary and fun? That’s right! Kinks! A thrilling twist in the plot of your erotic journeys, kinks are all about exploring the unconventional. There are numerous shades of kink, so why stick to vanilla when you can indulge in the entire flavor spectrum? Today, Flure explains what is a kink and dares you to embrace the kink and turn up the heat!
What are kinks?
"Kinks" refer to sexual interests, preferences, or behaviors that fall outside of traditional or mainstream expressions of sexuality. These can involve specific activities, dynamics, or fetishes that some people find exciting or fulfilling. Kinks vary widely, covering a range of practices that might include bondage, dominance/submission, role-playing, and more. Importantly, kinks are consensual, meaning that all involved parties agree to and are comfortable with the activities.
Kinks are often personal and can be a way for individuals to explore different facets of their sexuality, intimacy, and boundaries. Having a kink doesn’t necessarily mean that a person engages in it all the time or in every relationship—it’s just a part of their unique sexual landscape.
Kinks are often personal and can be a way for individuals to explore different facets of their sexuality, intimacy, and boundaries. Having a kink doesn’t necessarily mean that a person engages in it all the time or in every relationship—it’s just a part of their unique sexual landscape.
A - Z guide to kinks
Age play
Age play involves role-playing with partners as different ages, often adopting roles like “adult baby” or “daddy/mommy.” In age play, participants explore dynamics where one partner takes on a nurturing or caregiving role, while the other assumes a younger persona. This kink can include behaviors like bottle-feeding, bedtime routines, or playful, childlike expressions of affection. It’s not necessarily sexual; for some, it’s about comfort and feeling cared for. Boundaries are key, and couples often set clear guidelines around what is or isn’t included to keep both partners safe and comfortable.
Bondage
Bondage is the practice of restraining a partner’s movement with ropes, handcuffs, or other devices to create a sense of helplessness and trust. Bondage ranges from simple hand ties to intricate rope work, depending on the couple’s experience and comfort level. This kink can enhance intimacy by allowing one partner to give up control, while the other assumes responsibility for their comfort and safety. Beginners often start with easy-to-untie materials like silk scarves before progressing to more advanced techniques. Communication and consent are essential, and partners should always have a safe word to stop play immediately if needed.
Chastity
Chastity play involves restricting access to a partner’s genitals, either physically with a device or through an agreement, for a set period of time. This kink emphasizes control and anticipation, as the wearer gives up the ability to initiate sexual activity without permission. Chastity devices, like cages for men or belts for women, can vary from basic to elaborate, depending on comfort and experience. Many enjoy chastity for the thrill of delayed gratification and the trust it builds with a partner. To ensure comfort, partners should check in regularly and have tools ready for quick removal if needed.
Domination
Domination is the act of one person taking control over a willing partner, both psychologically and physically. Domination can include giving orders, setting rules, or engaging in activities like verbal commands or physically guiding a partner. This power exchange relies on mutual trust and understanding, as the dominant assumes responsibility for their partner’s well-being. Many find pleasure in the vulnerability that comes with relinquishing control, while others enjoy the sense of power in guiding the experience. Clear communication and boundaries help maintain a respectful dynamic, with check-ins and safe words to ensure both partners remain comfortable.
Exhibitionism
Exhibitionism is the thrill of being watched or partially exposed, often in public or semi-public settings. For some, this might involve discreet acts like flashing or wearing revealing clothing, while others may enjoy being intimate in places where there’s a chance of being noticed. The risk of exposure heightens excitement, but consent and respect for public spaces are essential. Many exhibitionists enjoy private settings, like backyard or secluded beaches, where they feel safe but can still feel “on display.” Couples should discuss boundaries and assess comfort levels before exploring this kink.
Findom (financial domination)
Findom, or financial domination, is a kink where one person derives pleasure from having control over their partner’s finances. This may involve gifts, “tributes,” or setting spending limits for the submissive partner. For some, the act of giving or receiving financially can enhance feelings of dominance and submission. Those exploring findom typically set clear limits on spending, often discussing it beforehand to ensure financial security. Although often misinterpreted, findom revolves around trust and enjoyment, not exploitation.
Gags
Gags restrict speech and add an element of control, often used to increase vulnerability and submission. Common gag types include ball gags, bit gags, and tape, each creating a different sensation and level of restriction. For beginners, a ball gag with adjustable straps is a safe option, while more experienced partners might experiment with various sizes or styles. Safety is essential in gag play; always use breathable materials and agree on non-verbal cues to communicate discomfort or to stop the activity. Partners should start slowly, checking in regularly to ensure comfort and security.
Hair pulling
Hair pulling is a form of controlled dominance, adding intensity without severe pain. This practice, when done with consent, uses hair as a handle to guide, express control, or provide light pressure. Hair pulling requires technique; a gentle tug at the scalp base is less likely to cause harm than grabbing from the ends. Many people enjoy the heightened sensation, but it’s important to communicate pressure preferences and comfort levels. Starting lightly and building intensity can help gauge sensitivity. Partners should establish clear signals to ensure safety and respect each other’s comfort.
Impact play
Impact play involves using hands or tools like paddles, whips, or floggers to create various sensations on the body. It can range from light spanking to intense impact, with each tool producing different effects. Floggers, for example, tend to provide a thudding sensation, while whips produce a sharper sting. Before exploring impact play, partners should discuss limits and safe zones on the body, avoiding areas like the spine or kidneys. Starting with a lighter touch allows for gradual exploration. Aftercare, such as soothing lotion or cuddling, is essential to support the receiving partner’s emotional and physical well-being.
Japanese bondage (shibari)
Shibari, or Japanese bondage, is an art form that uses ropes to create intricate and beautiful patterns on the body. This practice combines the physical restraint of bondage with the aesthetic appeal of carefully arranged knots and designs. Shibari enthusiasts often take courses to learn the techniques, which require precision to avoid discomfort or injury. For beginners, it’s wise to start with basic ties and communicate throughout the process. Shibari can heighten trust between partners, as the restrained individual relies on the rigger to manage their comfort and security throughout the experience. Read more about it in Flure's detailed guide.
Knife play
Knife play involves using knives or other sharp objects to create sensations of fear, adrenaline, and vulnerability without intending actual harm. Often, it’s more about the psychological thrill of sharp metal near the skin rather than making contact. Skilled practitioners might lightly trace the blade’s dull side on the body to produce a sense of heightened awareness and trust. Safety is paramount; knives used should be clean, with blunt edges for beginners, and care should be taken to avoid sensitive areas. Communication and consent are essential, and partners should always have a safe word.
Latex
Latex play involves wearing latex clothing or using latex materials, often appreciated for their snug fit, shine, and sensory appeal. Latex provides a unique experience, hugging the body like a second skin and enhancing touch sensitivity. Enthusiasts may wear full-body suits, gloves, or stockings to experience its tight, stretchy feel. Wearing latex requires preparation, often with lubricants or powders for easier dressing and undressing. Beginners might start with smaller latex items, gradually increasing as they become more comfortable. Latex wearers should avoid sharp objects and ensure ventilation, as latex can be hot and cause skin irritation.
Medical play
Medical play involves role-playing medical scenarios, such as examinations or procedures, often using real or replica medical instruments. This kink can include elements like temperature-taking, “doctor” or “nurse” role-play, or even simple medical attire. Medical play appeals to those who enjoy structure, care, and the sense of being in a controlled environment. Safety is key, as some medical tools can be risky if used improperly; beginners should stick to non-invasive tools and practice hygienic protocols. Communication and setting boundaries are essential, especially as this kink can evoke vulnerability.
Nylon
Nylon fetishism centers around the sensory appeal of nylon materials, especially stockings, pantyhose, or tights. The smooth, slightly compressive texture of nylon on the skin creates unique sensations, often stimulating visual and tactile senses. Some might enjoy feeling nylon against their own skin, while others are drawn to its look or feel on a partner. Many incorporate nylon into other forms of play, such as bondage or teasing. Easy to integrate into everyday attire, nylon is a discreet and versatile fetish, ideal for those looking to explore sensory play in more subtle, approachable ways.
Orgasm control
Orgasm control involves regulating when or if a partner can climax, using techniques like edging (bringing someone close to orgasm and stopping) or denial (withholding orgasm altogether). This kink allows one partner to control the other’s pleasure, building anticipation and intensifying the final release. For some, it’s about the power dynamic, while others enjoy the heightened sensations that come with delayed gratification. Clear communication is essential, as orgasm control can require patience and trust. Partners may agree on cues or time limits to keep the experience pleasurable and prevent frustration.
Pony play
Pony play is a form of role-play where one partner takes on the persona of a pony, often wearing costumes, harnesses, or bits to simulate the experience. Participants may engage in activities like training, trotting, or being “ridden” by a handler, who takes on the role of a trainer or rider. For many, pony play allows for a unique escape into a non-human role, focusing on obedience, training, and physical endurance. This kink can range from casual play to highly elaborate setups with specialized gear.
Queening
Queening, or face-sitting, involves one partner sitting on or over the other’s face for oral-genital or oral-anal stimulation. This position can be intense, combining physical closeness with elements of dominance and submission. Queening requires mutual comfort and care, as the receiving partner needs to ensure they can breathe easily. Many find this position empowering, with the “queen” enjoying control, while the other partner can focus fully on giving pleasure. Partners may try different positions and practice regular check-ins to ensure comfort and a safe, pleasant experience.
Role-playing
Role-playing in the bedroom involves adopting different personas or scenarios to add excitement, variety, and fantasy to intimacy. This could range from classic archetypes like “stranger in a bar” to imaginative roles like royalty, spies, or fictional characters. Role-playing helps partners break from their usual identities, fostering creativity and opening doors to explore different desires and power dynamics. Many find that role-playing reduces inhibitions and allows them to express fantasies in a safe, consensual space. Make sure to establish clear boundaries and shared interests to make the experience enjoyable for both.
Sensory deprivation
Sensory deprivation limits one or more senses to intensify others, often using tools like blindfolds, earplugs, or hoods. With sight, hearing, or even touch reduced, participants become more sensitive to other sensations, which can heighten touch, sound, or taste. Sensory deprivation adds suspense, making each interaction feel more intense and immersive. Starting with blindfolds and moving gradually to more restrictive options can help build comfort and trust. Partners should establish signals for pausing or stopping, ensuring the person deprived of sensory input remains in control of the experience.
Tickling
Tickling as a kink involves using light touches to provoke laughter, arousal, or even playful torture. Partners may use fingers, feathers, or tools to target ticklish spots, adding fun and unpredictability to their play. For some, tickling is about the vulnerability it creates, while others enjoy the laughter and intimacy it brings. Boundaries are crucial, as tickling can quickly become overwhelming. Partners should start slowly, paying attention to each other’s comfort and reactions. Clear signals or safe words help prevent discomfort, making tickling enjoyable for both sides.
Uniforms
Uniform play involves dressing in specific types of attire—like military, police, or school uniforms—that evoke authority or fantasy. Wearing or seeing a partner in a uniform can create an immediate power dynamic, often playing into submission or role-play scenarios. Uniforms appeal to those drawn to structured roles and often trigger fantasies around discipline, protection, or expertise. Many partners use uniforms as part of role-play, adding props or backstories for immersive experiences. Exploring uniform play can start with simple costumes and progress to more elaborate outfits as partners become comfortable.
Voyeurism
Voyeurism is the pleasure derived from watching others, often in private or intimate activities, without participating directly. While some enjoy observing strangers (within legal boundaries), others find satisfaction in watching their own partner from an “outsider” perspective. For couples, voyeurism might involve setting up scenarios where one partner watches the other from a distance or through role-play. To keep voyeuristic play safe and consensual, boundaries and location considerations are essential. Voyeurism can help heighten arousal by adding a layer of mystery and suspense, allowing for new ways to connect.
Wax play
Wax play involves dripping warm, melted wax onto the skin as a form of sensation play. The warmth and slight sting from the wax add an intense sensory element, creating sensations of heat and tingling that many find pleasurable. Specialized wax candles, designed to burn at a lower temperature than regular candles, are safest for wax play. Beginners might start with a few drops on less sensitive areas like the back or arms before progressing to more sensitive regions. Safety practices, like using non-flammable surfaces and having cool water nearby, help make wax play enjoyable and safe.
X-Dressing (cross-dressing)
Cross-dressing, or X-dressing, is the practice of wearing clothing traditionally associated with another gender, often to explore gender identity or express different sides of oneself. For some, cross-dressing is a sensual experience; for others, it’s about feeling comfortable or adventurous in a new style. X-dressing allows partners to play with appearance, embrace new personas, and even explore power dynamics associated with gender roles. Communication is key to ensure both partners feel comfortable and supported in the experience, whether it’s a fun experiment or a regular part of their intimacy.
Yoke
A yoke, often used in bondage scenarios, is a rigid frame or bar that restricts the arms and neck to control movement and posture. Yokes are popular in scenarios involving slave training or domination, as they prevent the wearer from using their arms freely, promoting a sense of vulnerability and submission. Proper fitting and comfort checks are essential, especially for those new to bondage. Beginners might use softer or adjustable materials to ease into this type of restraint, and partners should always be able to remove the yoke quickly if needed.
Zentai
Zentai involves wearing a full-body suit made from stretchy materials like spandex or lycra that covers the entire body, including the face. These suits create a unique sensation, as they restrict identity and amplify tactile awareness, often enjoyed by those exploring sensory play or anonymity. Zentai suits are used in various role-play and fetish scenarios, providing a “second skin” feel that can heighten sensitivity and enhance mystery. Many find comfort and freedom in Zentai, as it allows them to let go of their usual appearance and adopt a completely covered, neutral persona. Communication and gradual experimentation help ensure a safe experience.
The difference between a kink and a fetish
While the terms "kink" and "fetish" are often used interchangeably, there's a distinct difference between them. A kink in sex refers to any unconventional sexual interest or activity that enhances pleasure. It's broad and can include a variety of practices. A fetish, however, is a specific type of kink that involves a necessary object or body part for sexual satisfaction. Essentially, if someone cannot achieve sexual pleasure without their fetish object or scenario, it's considered a fetish rather than a kink.
Bottom line
Our recent user survey has shown that while the absolute majority of people have kinks, more often than not they prefer to keep them in secret, even from their partners. What causes us to keep our kinks in the closet? For 51% of people, it’s the fear that their partner will react in the wrong way. Likewise, 30% of people simply can’t find the right words or moment.
The taboo that surrounds sex is ruining our relationship dynamics, and are we really gonna stand here and let stigmatization stand in the way of a good time? Instead of keeping it a secret, be honest with your partner about your desires, and—if they’re open to it—start introducing kink exploration into your sex life. Turning vulnerability into intimacy, your relationship satisfaction will skyrocket.
