Sexual preferences often remain hidden, either out of fear of judgment or discomfort in expressing them. Unspoken kinks can quietly shape the emotional and physical dynamics, even between close partners. This study by Flure explores the influence of hidden desires on romantic connections, examining their impact on emotional closeness.
Key takeaways:
- Sexual kinks are more common than many believe, with 50% of people interested in the idea of public sex and 49% open to having a threesome.
- While consensual kinks are entirely normal, many people feel pressured to suppress their desires, with 61% admitting they are hiding a sexual fantasy from their partner.
- The main reason people hide their kinks is due to fearing how their partner might react, while 17% admit they’re worried their secret will get out and people will gossip.
- However, repressing kinks can lead to dissatisfaction in our sex lives, with 53% left feeling unfulfilled and 42% admitting it has negatively impacted their romantic relationships.
October marks National Kink Month—a time to let out your wild side and explore your sexual fantasies. Don’t have any? Get real! While kinks describe sexual desires outside of the mainstream, the reality is they’re quite common.
Whether you like it rough or prefer role-play, we all have something that gets us going. The issue is that many of us have been taught to think that our naughty interests are outright wrong, stunting our sexual satisfaction. Thankfully, society is finally starting to accept that what we get up to in the bedroom (or the tub, car, or kitchen counter) is between us and our partners.
Flure surveyed 2,000 adults on their desires and whether their intimate desires are being met. The results show that while it’s the norm to have a kinky side, getting past the taboo can prove challenging.
Whether you like it rough or prefer role-play, we all have something that gets us going. The issue is that many of us have been taught to think that our naughty interests are outright wrong, stunting our sexual satisfaction. Thankfully, society is finally starting to accept that what we get up to in the bedroom (or the tub, car, or kitchen counter) is between us and our partners.
Flure surveyed 2,000 adults on their desires and whether their intimate desires are being met. The results show that while it’s the norm to have a kinky side, getting past the taboo can prove challenging.
Behind closed doors: Are kinks more common than we think?
You don’t have to scream your deepest desires from the rooftops or confess your love for kinks to the world. Being able to share it with your partner is what really matters. However, for many people, even sexual openness in their romantic relationships can be difficult, given that 61% of people admit they have fantasies that they’re even keeping secret from their partners.
While sex and relationships go hand in hand, many find it easier to open up to their friends about their desires, with 41% admitting they’re more comfortable discussing their interests with their bestie than they are with their partner.
However, whether it’s the fear of being judged or the possibility that you lack sexual compatibility, open communication is crucial if you want to turn your fantasies into reality.
However, whether it’s the fear of being judged or the possibility that you lack sexual compatibility, open communication is crucial if you want to turn your fantasies into reality.
Chances are your partner isn’t as vanilla as you think. Just 5% of people claim they have no kinks whatsoever, so they definitely have a secret or two of their own—It’s just a matter of who will make the first move.
Public sex and threesomes are by far the most common fantasies, desired by 50% and 49% of adults respectively. And even the more niche interests—foot fetishes and cuckolding—aren’t all that uncommon, with one in seven admitting these kinks get them hot and bothered.
Most people have adventurous minds and are open to a little adult play. We just need to stop being so prudish when it comes to admitting and exploring our kinks.
Public sex and threesomes are by far the most common fantasies, desired by 50% and 49% of adults respectively. And even the more niche interests—foot fetishes and cuckolding—aren’t all that uncommon, with one in seven admitting these kinks get them hot and bothered.
Most people have adventurous minds and are open to a little adult play. We just need to stop being so prudish when it comes to admitting and exploring our kinks.
Guilty pleasure: Why do we keep our kinks a secret?
What causes us to keep our kinks in the closet? For 51% of people, it’s the fear that their partner will react in the wrong way. Likewise, 30% of people simply can’t find the right words or moment.
Worryingly, 17% of people don’t just fear that their partner will react badly, but that they will tell other people and their sexual interests would be put in the spotlight.
Whether or not you’re on the same page in the bedroom, trust in relationships—especially when it comes to sex—is a must. If you have no faith in them to keep your intimate life private, not only should you avoid sharing your kinks, but you should probably start looking for a more suitable match.
Worryingly, 17% of people don’t just fear that their partner will react badly, but that they will tell other people and their sexual interests would be put in the spotlight.
Whether or not you’re on the same page in the bedroom, trust in relationships—especially when it comes to sex—is a must. If you have no faith in them to keep your intimate life private, not only should you avoid sharing your kinks, but you should probably start looking for a more suitable match.
So strong is the stigma and silence around sex—and so worried about what society would think if it knew our intimate desires—37% of people would willingly sign a non-disclosure agreement (NDA) agreement before sleeping with a new partner to ensure their kinks remain a secret, while another 43% would consider it.
However, it isn’t always partners that are the problem. For 9% of people, the reason they keep their desires to themselves is because adult relationships are hard, and they don’t feel grown up enough to start exploring their kinky side.
Kink chastity: The consequences of ignoring sexual interests
There’s no denying that good sex is key to a lasting and loving relationship. Seriously—It causes our brains to release endorphins and dopamine, happy chemicals that help to lift mood, reduce stress, and deepen emotional intimacy between couples.
However, can you truly feel satisfied if you’re repressing your desires? Some 53% of people admit they aren’t entirely happy with their sex lives because they hold back from exploring their kinks and fantasies.
However, can you truly feel satisfied if you’re repressing your desires? Some 53% of people admit they aren’t entirely happy with their sex lives because they hold back from exploring their kinks and fantasies.
If you aren’t getting your needs met, intimacy challenges are bound to arise—and it isn't just in the bedroom where it's going to cause problems.
Over time, it causes frustration, resentment, and eventually a loss of interest. Ultimately, the relationship suffers.
While intimacy isn’t everything, the reality is many struggle to cope in sex-starved partnerships, with 42% admitting that hiding their sexual desires has negatively impacted their relationship.
The taboo that surrounds sex is ruining our relationship dynamics, and are we really gonna stand here and let stigmatization stand in the way of a good time? Instead of keeping it a secret, be honest with your partner about your desires, and—if they’re open to it—start introducing kink exploration into your sex life. Turning vulnerability into intimacy, your relationship satisfaction will skyrocket.
Over time, it causes frustration, resentment, and eventually a loss of interest. Ultimately, the relationship suffers.
While intimacy isn’t everything, the reality is many struggle to cope in sex-starved partnerships, with 42% admitting that hiding their sexual desires has negatively impacted their relationship.
The taboo that surrounds sex is ruining our relationship dynamics, and are we really gonna stand here and let stigmatization stand in the way of a good time? Instead of keeping it a secret, be honest with your partner about your desires, and—if they’re open to it—start introducing kink exploration into your sex life. Turning vulnerability into intimacy, your relationship satisfaction will skyrocket.
