Some relationships (and situationships) end with a breakup. If you’re reading this article and currently going through a breakup – we feel you, and we got you. It’ll get better, we promise!
Whether you’ve initiated the split or someone broke up with you, it’s a pretty emotional time. Perhaps understanding the science of breakup will help you heal and move on a bit sooner and with less heartache.
Breakup stages
First things first, let’s identify and understand the main stages of a breakup.
Breakup stages mimic the stages of grief because you are, in a way, grieving over the person and the life you had with them:
- Denial – you’re in disbelief that it actually happened.
- Anger – you’re furious that this happened and you’re now going through it.
- Depression – that’s when we let go and really feel the breakup to our cores.
- Acceptance – you’re starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel by accepting your new reality.
- Recovery – the worst is behind you, and you’re going back to your old self.
Whatever stage you are at at the moment, you’re doing great, keep it up, and don’t be too hard on yourself.
How long does it take to get over a breakup
Charlotte in Sex and the City famously said that getting over someone takes half of the time you’ve been together.
There may be some truth to that, however, every breakup is different and will take a different amount of time to heal. Some relationships end way before the actual split and the breakup is mutual, so there are no strong feelings when it happens. People who lived together for a decade will more likely have a harder time recovering. So, the answer is “it depends”, sorry.
How to move on from breakup
There are many ways how you can get over a breakup, so you can mix and match between the techniques below for best results.
Stop communication with ex
Dua Lipa wasn’t lying in her song, saying that if you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him. While not everyone sleeps with their ex, texting, talking, and meeting in person can be just as detrimental. You guys broke up for a reason, so give yourself a grace period if you’re not ready to cut them out completely, and do not engage in any form of communication until you’ve really healed and can handle it. Unfollow and block them temporarily to reduce the temptation. Trust us, no contact is the best way to go.
Reflect on the relationship
But do it in a healthy way! Don’t cry your eyes out and repeat the same story again and again to yourself (like how he is the one, and you’ll never find anyone better). Instead, take a sober look at the relationship – what was good about it, what sucked, what kind of memories you made together, and how this relationship transformed you.
If you go to therapy, bring this up and ask them to guide you. Psychology doesn’t have all the answers, but you’ll surely be able to progress with your healing journey with helpful tips and practices shared by the specialist. It can be painful if you’re still grieving the relationship, but ultimately you will benefit from a closure.
Make plans with friends
Friends are practically family when you’re an adult, and what better way to get your mind off the breakup than to hang out with your favorite people? They’ll comfort you and help you move on. Make plans even if you’d rather stay and cry at home, and DON’T cancel at the last minute!
As a tip from the Flure team, and trust us we are speaking from personal experience, you might want to do less bar hopping with your friends and more walks in nature, creative activities, like painting, museum runs, and so on. Drinking can make you do reckless things, like sending a message to your ex, so best to avoid it.
Pick up a hobby
Trying new things is an amazing form of therapy. Working on something that you’re a complete newbie in will keep you from the breakup, and you’ll learn a new skill. Talking about a win-win! Things like wood carving and pottery classes are great, give them a try.
Rediscover old hobbies
If nothing new calls your name – think back at what you were doing before. Perhaps you can pick up tennis again? Or go back to studying French? What about those books you’ve always wanted to read? Think of your teenage years and what brought you joy back then. Chances are, you’ll still have a lot of fun with this activity.
Declutter your apartment
Decluttering can be so meditative and satisfying, and if your apartment is full of things that belong to or are associated with your ex, you might want to put it on your to-do list.
We don’t suggest you throw everything out but look for things that no longer serve you and find a better home for or recycle them. Also, you probably have a few pieces that are broken and can’t be used properly but you’ve held on to them somehow. Now is a good time to say goodbye to them too. Once you’re done with purging, bring in something new, like a plant or a poster to give your space a fresh feel.
Exercise more
If you don’t know what to do after a breakup and struggle to cope with your feelings – sweat it off in the gym, on the court, in the park, or even in the comfort of your own home. If you’re not big on sports, find one of the dancing exercise parties on YouTube and have a 15-20 minute session jumping and dancing with the latest hits blasting. Just do it at a godly hour, or your neighbors will not be happy.
Explore the world of self-pleasure
An orgasm or two can do wonders for your mood! We don’t recommend finding a rebound relationship or (God forbid!) having casual sex with your ex. Masturbation, however, is a wonderful way to get to the O-town without unnecessary risks of growing (re)attached or anxiety of having to leave the house and go on dates. There are countless ways that you can have sexy fun on your own, and even more tools to help you out! What better time to expand your sexual horizons?
How to get over someone you still love
Still loving your ex-partner is tough. You will need more time to heal than if you’ve left with no feelings, but it can still be done. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill or perfect advice for getting over someone you’re still in love with. However, if you follow our advice above, you’ll be able to heal from a breakup sooner rather than later.
One more tip that we didn’t mention earlier in this article – continue with your routines to maintain a sense of normalcy. You’re already going through a traumatic event, your mind and body don’t need more stress in the shape of the changed lifestyle. Don’t skip showers, go on walks, shop for groceries, and maintain friendships. All that will help you get through it.
How to breakup with someone
Before we sign off, let’s quickly go through the breakup when you’re the one to break the news. Here is how you can sweeten the pill:
- Do it in person, none of that texting nonsense.
- Do it somewhere private, don’t break up with your partner in a crowded space hoping it will keep them from crying or making a scene.
- Be honest and direct. Don’t give them false hope.
- Speak using “I” sentences, like “I feel like I am no longer happy”.
- Be patient and kind. They’re probably shocked, so allow them time to process the news.
Breaking up with someone isn’t fun, but you can make it less traumatic and hostile, just remember why you got together, to begin with, and show empathy.
