Sometimes your sex life gets a bit stale and repetitive, and that’s the perfect time to try something new! How about orgasm control? If you’ve never heard about it, you’re seriously missing out!
What Is orgasm control?
Orgasm control is a type of kink, also known as edging or delayed gratification. The idea behind orgasm control is simple. You are intentionally delaying the orgasm during sex.
Why would anyone want to do that?
When you’re trying orgasm control, you can stop the stimulation seconds before the orgasm, take a break, and then go hard (put intended) on it again. Seasoned orgasm controllers can "edge" like this multiple times in a row, and when they finally get to the big O, it is much stronger and more impactful than it would be otherwise.
Orgasm control can be a part of many sexual kinks and practices, including BDSM, dominance and submission, and tantric practices, but it’s also perfectly fine on its own.
Why would anyone want to do that?
- Extend the intimacy
- Enhance pleasure
- Experiment with your body
When you’re trying orgasm control, you can stop the stimulation seconds before the orgasm, take a break, and then go hard (put intended) on it again. Seasoned orgasm controllers can "edge" like this multiple times in a row, and when they finally get to the big O, it is much stronger and more impactful than it would be otherwise.
Orgasm control can be a part of many sexual kinks and practices, including BDSM, dominance and submission, and tantric practices, but it’s also perfectly fine on its own.
Orgasm Control Tools
If you’d like to try orgasm control and you’re worried it’s not going to work out, don’t sweat it too much. This is a technique that definitely takes time to master and bring to perfection, but there’s no huge rush, right? The worst that can happen is you fail to control it and have an orgasm. Certainly not the worst thing to happen to someone!
Thankfully, there are many different tools to help you, and we’re going to share them all in our beginner’s guide to orgasm control.
Sensory tools
Think of anything that plays with and restricts your senses, creating that extra intense sexy vibe.
Blindfolds are a hit in orgasm control because they’re easy to assemble out of things you have at home. You can also use some form of restraints, such as ropes, handcuffs, or a scarf that can double as a blindfold.
Physical tools
Sometimes gentle sensory tools are not enough, and that’s when you move on to physical tools. Here you can use vibrators with remote controls, cock rings to restrict blood flow and delay orgasm while maintaining an erection (use carefully, please), or chastity devices (yep, they exist) for orgasm denial.
Digital tools
Technology is making our lives so much better! The bedroom is not an exception. There are many apps, such as remotely controlled toys (vibrators and dildos), and countless apps that help you train orgasm control and learn to meditate and practice discipline, a true virtue in orgasm controlling.
Timers
Something else you can use and combine with other tools is a stopwatch or a timer. These are used by meticulous kink lovers to help them regulate intervals between active stimulation and breaks. This is something we think Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory would definitely like!
Why do people enjoy orgasm control?
How much time do you have? Just kidding!
There are so many reasons why someone might give orgasm controlling a try and fall in love with this kink. There are many hidden benefits of orgasm control that you wouldn’t think of right away.
As you see, there are many reasons why someone might choose to dive into the world of orgasm control. Whatever your motivation, you should try it but don’t forget to keep things safe and sound for everyone involved.
There are so many reasons why someone might give orgasm controlling a try and fall in love with this kink. There are many hidden benefits of orgasm control that you wouldn’t think of right away.
- You make your orgasms stronger, more intense, and more memorable.
- A prolonged thrill of expectation of the climax is exciting on its own.
- People crave the power exchange that comes with someone controlling the other person’s orgasms.
- Reaching an orgasm isn’t always easy, and controlling it is ten times harder, so this practice brings couples together and establishes deeper emotional bonds.
- You become more aware of your own body and elevate your self-control.
- You get to have sex for longer if you orgasm later, and that creates a more satisfying sexual experience.
As you see, there are many reasons why someone might choose to dive into the world of orgasm control. Whatever your motivation, you should try it but don’t forget to keep things safe and sound for everyone involved.
Safety and consent tips
Let's talk about orgasm control safety tips! These ensure you and your partner have a good time, and everyone walks away from the experience happy and inspired.
Here are the key tips to exploring this kink safely.
Overall, the core rules of safe orgasm control are paying attention to how everyone is feeling, taking things one step at a time, not pushing or pressuring if someone wants to stop, and keeping communication as open as possible.
Here are the key tips to exploring this kink safely.
- Prioritize consent and boundaries. Whether you've been dating for months and years or just met, it's essential to talk about everyone's desires and limits and make sure everyone understands what they're getting into.
- Talk openly. It can be difficult when a subject is that intimate and touchy, but you should do your best to discuss it before, during, and after the act.
- There's no sense in rushing. Take things slowly and gradually move on to stronger control mechanisms and techniques.
- If it hurts, it needs to stop. Any pain or discomfort (mental included) is a big No. Stop and change something immediately.
- Take care of your health. Something you don't always hear in controlled orgasm discussions is the taxing effect of lengthy arousal on an individual. It is tiring to be horny and not get to the final destination, so make sure you get enough sleep, eat well, and keep your body toned up.
- Don't skip a little check-in to ensure you're emotionally and physically alright.
Overall, the core rules of safe orgasm control are paying attention to how everyone is feeling, taking things one step at a time, not pushing or pressuring if someone wants to stop, and keeping communication as open as possible.
Getting started with orgasm control
Enough theory! Here are our tips on how to explore orgasm control if you've never done it before.
Overall, the biggest tip we can share, and perhaps the most vital one, is that patience is a virtue with orgasm control. It's not as simple as it seems, and you'll probably fail a few times before you master it.
Remember that you're not trying to catch the last train while a pack of aggressive wolves is hunting you down. There's no pressure to do it perfectly on the first try. You can repeat this kink as many times as you like. Ensure you enjoy the process, the exploration, and the person you're doing it with. That's far more important than excellence.
- Get a grip on the basics. Spend some time learning, browsing the Internet, and reading what others say about edging and sharing their experiences.
- Try practicing it on your own. If you don't yet have a partner lined up to experiment with or want to come more prepared for the couple's session, experiment with orgasm controlling on your own first.
- Practice different techniques. You can work on your breathing (meditation is great for that) to be able to take profound breaths that will help you control your orgasm. Also, you can slow down right before the climax, but it takes practice to master it as you'll forget to do it a lot. Another trick you can work on is cutting off any stimulation just before climax, so not slowing down but going from 100 to zero.
- Come up with your list of boundaries and expectations. If you freestyle it right before the act, you'll probably miss something essential and won't be able to communicate your preferences. Try to avoid that, as your comfort (and sex-citement) depends on it.
- Don't shy away from the tools. Adding something extra to orgasm control can feel weird, especially if you're not a big fan of additional objects and tools in bed in general. However, all those extra things will add to the experience. You're already experimenting in bed, why not take it one step further? If you end up hating it, you can throw it away. But what if you'll love it?
- Think about an aftercare routine. This is the time right after sex when you and your partner might feel the most vulnerable. That's when you should ensure that everyone is doing fine, have only positive memories of the experience, and don't have any concerns, pain, or discomfort. If they do, those must be addressed and worked on in a kind and compassionate manner.
Overall, the biggest tip we can share, and perhaps the most vital one, is that patience is a virtue with orgasm control. It's not as simple as it seems, and you'll probably fail a few times before you master it.
Remember that you're not trying to catch the last train while a pack of aggressive wolves is hunting you down. There's no pressure to do it perfectly on the first try. You can repeat this kink as many times as you like. Ensure you enjoy the process, the exploration, and the person you're doing it with. That's far more important than excellence.
Advanced techniques or variations
If you’re done with the basic tricks, techniques, and tips and are looking for something more advanced, thy these:
- Ruined orgasm – when you get to the final point but restrict full release and create frustration.
- Edging repetitions – do it not once, not twice, but thrice!
- Countdown – make your partner countdown randomly and unpredictably before the climax to enhance anticipation.
- Remote-controlled devices in public – tease them publicly to add the thrill and a dash of embarrassment.
Ethical and social considerations
It’s essential to explore orgasm control ethically, ensuring that everyone is feeling good in the process and after it.
Here are the core elements of ethical orgasm control:
During the process, watch your partner. If you spot discomfort, make sure they’re doing alright. It’s always better to slow down or stop entirely and change something before you go on. This will guarantee that all parties will walk away from this experience empowered and not crushed down.
Here are the core elements of ethical orgasm control:
- Clear and explicit consent
- Trust between partners
- Mutual understanding
- Definitive boundaries and limits
- Aftercare
During the process, watch your partner. If you spot discomfort, make sure they’re doing alright. It’s always better to slow down or stop entirely and change something before you go on. This will guarantee that all parties will walk away from this experience empowered and not crushed down.
Final thoughts
Orgasm control is a wonderful kink to enjoy if you’re looking for something new in sex but aren’t ready for extreme practices. An awesome part is that you can try it at home, on your own, to see if you like it.
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FAQ
Is orgasm control normal?
Absolutely. In fact, anything you do in bed that is not hurting you or others (unless you guys are into hardcore BDSM) is normal.
How long does it take to master orgasm control?
There’s no definitive timeline for this kink. Some people are natural; others require a few experimenting sessions before getting there. Your best bet is to try and see for yourself. Have fun!
