How do you know that you’re in love? All the rom-com and dramas on Netflix will make you believe that feeling love is close to an indoor fireworks explosion, but, in reality, it’s not always that obvious and straightforward.
And if you’re one of the people wondering “Am I falling in love? Or maybe I am just lonely or codependent?”, then check out our list of signs that will help you to understand what’s going on with you, and if it’s really love that you’re feeling.
1. Your feelings are consistent and don’t go away with time
When the feelings are fresh and you haven’t known the person for that long yet, it’s fair to ask yourself: “Am I in love or just infatuated or attached?”. One of the sure ways to distinguish other feelings from love is that the latter doesn’t go away with time. If you fancy someone, you can be infatuated with them one day, and forget about them the next. If you’re not losing interest as weeks go by, you’re probably in love.
2. You’re present when you’re with them
These days, nobody has the attention span (thank you, TikTok), so if you are able to be present with a person for prolonged periods of time, it means something! On a more serious note, if you are fully engaged in the conversation and the things you do together, and you don’t feel the urge to scroll, daydream, or feel boredom, it’s a sign that you’re falling for someone.
3. You’re not afraid to show your true self
Showing your true self is scary, and unless you’re serious about your partner, the temptation is high to play pretend and camouflage at least part of your personality. But if you’re in love, you’d want to show them more of yourself and share your inner feelings and thoughts to deepen your bond.
4. Being bored together is fun too
Loving someone means having a good time together even when it’s boring. If you’re with a person who makes you happy and fulfilled, then cooking, cleaning, working alongside one another, and running chores is a pleasure too.
5. You’re not interested in other people, even the hot ones
First the internet, and recently Tinder have made tectonic shifts in how we date and how we see relationships. It seems like there’s a never-ending inflow of potential candidates, so more people are willing to keep their options open and don’t want to commit. Yet, when you’re in love, there is no desire to look for alternatives. You’re only really interested in your loved one, and nobody else matters to you. For example, if you’re out with your friends, and someone objectively hot is hitting on you, you don’t want to flirt or even pay attention to them.
6. You start to share traits and habits
Similar to friendships, when you’re in love, you are subconsciously mirroring their habits, traits, and smaller gestures. Perhaps you’ve seen couples who kind of look like brother and sister? That’s because they copy each other out of love.
7. You’re thinking about them all the time
Loving someone means thinking about them day and night and being willing to share everything that’s happening to you with them. Normally, if you’re working on something exciting or genuinely have a good time doing something you enjoy, you get fully immersed in the process and don’t really care about anything else. Yet, if you can't stop thinking about this person no matter where you are and what you’re doing, you’re probably in love.
8. You prioritize them over everyone else
If you prioritize your wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend, over everyone else, it means you love them. We can say anything we want and even persuade ourselves that we love the person, but it’s our actions that show our true feelings. You’ll find the time to talk to them, see them, or do something nice for them, regardless of how hectic your life gets, but only if your feelings are real.
9. You empathize with what they’re going through
We know what you’re thinking – you probably emphasize with lots of people, even if you’re not in love with them. But hear us out! When something is happening with your crush, you’re happy for them when it’s good, and feel bad for them deeply if something goes wrong. Literally anything about them makes you worried.
Am I obsessed or in love?
What if you’re not in love but obsessed? There are several ways to tell if that’s the case:
- You’re preoccupied with yourself and how you feel, more than worrying about the person. For example, you’d want them to go out with you, even if your crush is not feeling well or really doesn’t want to go.
- You’re ready to overstep their boundaries and you’re practicing love bombing to keep them close to you.
- Instead of seeing the person for who they are, respecting them, and accepting all their flaws, you’re idolizing them, ignoring and excusing their flaws and bad character traits.
- You’re feeling an emotional hurricane that combines anxiety, insecurity, fears, and extreme jumps from being euphoric to feeling very low. True love gives us the feeling of security, and it’s more about stability rather than an emotional rollercoaster.
If any of the signs above apply to you, this might mean that your feelings are leaning more toward obsession than love. If that’s the case, we’d recommend talking to a therapist who’ll be able to guide you out of this. And don’t worry, even though pop culture tells us that it’s narcissists who are getting obsessed, and they’re incapable of falling in love, it’s actually not true. Many people go through phases of obsession (including yours truly, the Flure team), but later find healthy and committed relationships.
Am I not in love anymore? How to know for sure
If you’re worried about falling out of love, here are a few signs that you no longer feel the way you used to:
- You’re not interested in sharing your thoughts and feelings with them.
- You’re no longer physically attracted to them.
- Communication with them is uncomfortable and you don’t feel like you can be open and honest.
- When there’s a conflict, you’re not motivated to resolve or de-escalate the issue.
- You don’t see the future with this person.
- You compare things to how they used to be.
Keep in mind that these signs are not 100% proof that you’re not in love anymore. Yet, they might signal that something’s not right, but you can possibly work it out. Trust your gut feeling, and try to have an open conversation with your partner, even if it seems impossible.
I am in love with someone I can’t have
Being in love with someone you can’t have is really unlucky. If someone you love is in a relationship or married, or if they’re really not interested in you romantically, it’s best to accept the reality ASAP and try to move on. To do that, distance yourself from this person, focus on yourself (hobbies, work, health), and if the time goes but nothing changes – seek support from a licensed therapist. They will be able to help, although time is your best friend here. The more time passes, the less painful it will be. Then one day you’ll wake up and be over them.
Is having butterflies good?
Feeling butterflies in your stomach was always interpreted as a sign of love. However, recently psychologists and people online started talking about the fact that butterflies are actually our bodies warning us. They claim feeling a fluttering sensation in our stomachs is a signal that our brain sends to us, telling us that the person we’re madly in love with is not right for us. Their logic is that if it were true love and they are the only one, we’d feel secure and calm, and not excited to the point of exhaustion. One can speculate whether butterflies are good or not, but it most likely will depend on the situation. So don’t freak out if you experience this, but also pay attention to how the person treats you and if there are, indeed, some red flags.
