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Definition, Signs, & How to Deal with It

Love bombing or (lovebombing) is a form of emotional manipulation where someone showers a person with excessive attention, compliments, gifts, and affection to gain control or influence over them. At first, it can feel very flattering, as the person being lovebombed may believe they’ve found someone who truly cares deeply for them. However, once the person has gained the other's trust or dependence, they may use this emotional leverage to manipulate or control the person, often by pulling back affection or becoming emotionally volatile. Lovebombing is commonly associated with unhealthy dynamics and is often seen in the early stages of relationships with narcissistic people, though it can occur in any form of relationship.

So although we hope that none of our readers will have to personally deal with love bombing, we think it’s important to be aware. Dive into Flure's guide about lovebombing signs and how to deal with it!

What is love bombing?

Lovebombing is an intense display of affection and attention aimed at quickly gaining someone’s trust and emotional dependency, often as a means to manipulate or control them later.

A man showering (or should we say “bombing”) his girlfriend with gifts, flowers, calls, compliments, and signs of affection is not always lovebombing. But if he does it to establish control and monopolize the GF’s time, then something’s not right for sure.

Another common example is jumping into marriage in a span of a couple of weeks since the first date. Some might call that meeting your soulmate and knowing what you want, but surely you’ll agree with us that more often than not it seems rushed and wrong. Usually, there is one person in that relationship who promotes the next step, and the other one who submits.

6 Signs of love bombing

You will be able to spot most of the love bombing signs by the subtle feeling of discomfort and, sometimes, embarrassment. Here are 6 common signs of it:

#1 They are rushing (you)

Speeding through relationship stages and pushing the partner to take the next step. Think: meeting parents, moving in together, getting engaged, getting a pet – all way too early than you’d normally prefer to get to those milestones.

#2 They make you feel like you owe them and that they own you

Feeling like you’re on call 24/7. A love bomber loves nothing more than taking up all of your time and getting annoyed if you can’t talk or chat.

#3 They act on public

Pulling a Kanye. When every date is over the top and anything they do for you is a grand gesture. Think of Kanye's proposal to Kim on a baseball field.

#4 They literally bomb you with compliments

Exaggerated compliments that never stop. Surely, it’s nice to be praised sometimes, even if it’s a bit intense. Who doesn’t like a supportive partner who boosts our confidence after all? But if it’s something you experience all day every day – that’s a reason to be suspicious.

#5 They overlook your interests

Boundaries who? Remember we said that love bombers are often narcissists? One thing lovebombing narcissists absolutely hate is boundaries. They don’t like to be told No, and they don’t respond well to any form of limitation. A typical love bombing situation would often involve the abuser pushing or ridiculing your boundaries, and persuading you that it’s all in your best interest and that those boundaries are nonsense anyway.

#6 They cause your mood swings

Alternating between being all over you and pulling away without clear reasoning is a norm for lovebombers

Stages of love bombing

Love bombing definition is not static, as it comes in different stages: idealization, devaluation, and discarding.

#1 Idealization

That’s when all grand gestures are happening. You might be getting outworldly flower arrangements, like thousands and thousands of flowers that Travis Scott used to give to Kylie. Or you could have daily convos about getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after. At this point, the victim of a love bombing usually believes they finally found someone caring and attentive, and fall for their tricks.

#2 Devaluation

Just like every fun night out clubbing inevitably ends with a hangover, the idealization stage is always followed by devaluation. At this point, the abuser doubles down on their controlling and manipulative ways. It’s common for them to blame the victim for wanting to spend time with other people and give them silent treatment as punishment. And if the poor partner brings up any of their concerns? That’s right, they’ll be gaslit into thinking they’re actually the problem and not the other way around.

#3 Discarding

The last love bombing phase is discarding. When the abused partner finally sees the situation as unhealthy and starts confronting their abuser and gaslighting no longer works, the walking red flag resorts to their final weapons – ghosting and abruptly ending the relationship. The love bomber sees that their tactics are not working anymore, so they might as well look for a new target.

Tip: Sometimes love bombers will wait for a few weeks and seek to make their way back into your life. This may come in the form of a like on Instagram pics, a check-in message on WhatsApp, or a call. If you accept their advances, you might get sucked right back into the vicious love-bombing cycle, so best stay clear and block them if you need to.

Why do people love bomb others?

Lovebombing is often used by people with certain personality disorders, such as narcissistic or borderline personality disorder, but it’s not limited to these cases. Anyone who seeks control, validation, or a sense of power in relationships might engage in lovebombing. Here’s a breakdown of the motivations behind this behavior:

They actually idealize their partner for a point in time.
They’re insecure and need constant reassurance that they’re loved.
Narcissistic tendencies got the best of them. They simply can’t help it!
Excessive affection covers the red flags and other issues that the love bomber doesn’t want you to see.
Love bombing is something they learned earlier in life, e.g. from their parents, friends, relatives, or past relationships, so now they mimic this behavior as the only thing they know.

Love bombing examples

In the beginning, lovebombing might look like constant compliments, excessive texting, or grand gestures like daily flowers or surprise gifts after only a few dates. For example, a new partner might say, “I’ve never felt this way before,” or “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted,” just days after meeting, creating an intense connection that feels flattering but unnaturally fast.

Another form of lovebombing happens when a partner tries to consume all the other person’s time, calling or texting nonstop, showing up unannounced, or acting hurt if plans don’t include them. At first, this might seem sweet, but over time, it often creates guilt or anxiety, trapping the person in an overwhelming cycle of attention and control.

Do I love bombing someone?

Well, if you’re asking yourself that question, and you feel somewhat guilty about it, then we’d guess no, you are not love-bombing your romantic partners. Those who practice love bombing don’t see it as a problem or an issue. They know exactly what they’re doing and why they’re doing it.

But if you can’t shake off the feeling that you’re somehow in the wrong, here’s what you can do:

Have an honest conversation with your partner. Share your worries with them, and ask if they feel like you’re being too pushy or too over the top with expressing your feelings.
Sit back and analyze your past words and actions – did you at any point have an ulterior motive? Were you really treating your lover to an exotic getaway only one week into your relationship because you wanted to? Or is it possible that you wanted to assert dominance or make up for treating them poorly earlier?
If you’re seeing a therapist, talk to them about it. They’re not directly involved in the relationship, and they’re professionals, getting advice from a licensed specialist would be incredibly helpful.

What to do if someone is love bombing you?

Love bombers like to isolate their “victims”, so seek to spend more time with friends and family. Ideally, take the time off from seeing this person entirely. If you think someone is love bombing you, here’s what you can do:

Slow down: Take your time in the relationship. Resist pressure to match their pace, especially if it feels rushed.

Set clear boundaries: Politely but firmly communicate your needs for space, time alone, or seeing friends and family.

Watch their reaction: Notice if they respect your boundaries. Love bombers often react with guilt-tripping, anger, or even more intense affection to keep control.

Stay connected with others: Don’t isolate yourself; stay in touch with friends and family who can offer perspective on the relationship.

Trust your intuition: If something feels off or overwhelming, listen to that feeling. It’s often a red flag.

Limit personal disclosures: Avoid sharing too much personal information too soon. This helps maintain emotional distance while you assess their intentions.

Seek advice: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a counselor to help you gain perspective on the relationship.

Take breaks: Time away can help you gauge your feelings without the influence of constant attention or pressure.

Be willing to walk away: If their behavior remains intense, manipulative, or controlling despite boundaries, consider ending the relationship for your well-being.

How to heal from being lovebombed

Here are ways to heal and move forward:

Give yourself time: Healing takes time, so don’t rush yourself or feel pressured to “move on” quickly.
Reconnect with your support network: Spend time with friends and family who make you feel safe and valued.
Reflect on the relationship: Journaling or talking it out with a counselor can help you process what happened and regain perspective.
Learn to trust yourself again: Love bombing can shake your self-confidence, so take small steps to rebuild trust in your instincts and judgment.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and remember that manipulation isn’t your fault; it's a tactic used by the other person.
Set personal boundaries: Strengthen your boundaries to feel more secure and protected in future relationships.
Focus on self-care: Prioritize activities that make you feel grounded, whether that’s exercise, hobbies, or relaxation.
Educate yourself on red flags: Knowing common manipulation tactics can empower you to recognize unhealthy patterns earlier.
Take things slowly in future relationships: Give yourself permission to go at your own pace, allowing trust and intimacy to build naturally.

Conclusion

Sometimes love bombing happens unintentionally, and the person doesn’t even realize that. So before you do anything drastic, seek to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. As you discuss this tricky topic, watch how they react to your concerns. Someone who’s genuinely interested in fixing the issue might still get angry or annoyed when confronted, but they’ll eventually cool down and want to cooperate and change.

The Flure team has dated all kinds of people, and if there’s one thing we can agree on – is that every person is different. What appears to be love bombing to you can be perfectly normal to the other person, especially if they come from a different background or culture. So perhaps an honest conversation and establishing a few healthy boundaries will do the trick?

Love bombing FAQ

How do you know if it's love bombing?

Love bombing feels intense and overwhelming, with excessive compliments, gifts, and constant attention early on. It often feels too good to be true and can leave you feeling pressured to respond similarly.

What is narcissistic love bombing?

Narcissistic love bombing is when a narcissist floods someone with affection and admiration to gain control and feed their ego. Once attachment forms, they often pull back, using the relationship for manipulation.

How long does love bombing usually last?

Love bombing can last from a few days to a few weeks, typically until the person feels they have emotional control. The intense behavior often stops once dependency or attachment is established.

What should you do if someone is love-bombing you?

Slow down, set boundaries, and monitor their response to limits. Seek advice from trusted friends and take time away to maintain clarity about the relationship.

What are the three stages of love bombing?

Idealization, devaluation, discarding.

Is love bombing a type of abuse?

Yes, love bombing is considered emotional abuse because it manipulates someone's feelings and creates dependency for control. It can lead to a cycle of emotional highs and lows, often damaging self-esteem.

What does it mean to be caught in the love-bombing cycle?

Being caught in the love-bombing cycle means being repeatedly drawn in by intense affection, then devalued, creating emotional confusion and dependency. This cycle makes it hard to leave, as the love bomber alternates between idealization and control.