When it comes to relationships and how we express love, all people are different. Some shower you with gifts, others touch you at any given time. Knowing your own love language can help you understand a lot about yourself and what are you looking for in your partner(s). So, if you’re curious about love languages just like the Flure team is, continue reading!
The 5 love languages
The 5 Love Languages is a widely popular book by Dr. Gary Chapman that explores the different ways people express and receive love. According to Chapman, understanding your own love language and that of your partner can improve communication, strengthen relationships, and enhance emotional connections. Each person has a primary love language that makes them feel most loved, and understanding these can help couples connect more deeply.
Words of affirmation
Expressing love through verbal encouragement, compliments, and appreciation.
Acts of service
Showing love by performing helpful actions and doing things that ease the partner’s burden.
Receiving gifts
Giving thoughtful gifts to show love and appreciation; it’s the thought and effort behind the gift that counts.
Quality time
Spending focused, undistracted time together, making the other person feel valued and prioritized.
Physical touch
Physical expressions of love, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, and other forms of physical closeness.
How to know what is your love language?
Understanding your love language can help you identify how you feel most loved and how you naturally express love to others. By recognizing this, you can better communicate your needs to your partner and understand theirs. Figuring out your love language involves self-reflection and noticing how you respond to different forms of affection.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help uncover your love language:
1) How do I usually show love to others?
2) What do I value most from my partner?
3) What makes me feel hurt or unappreciated?
4) What do I request most often from my partner?
5) How do I feel when my partner does something unexpected for me?
1) How do I usually show love to others?
- If you often express love by doing things for others, your love language might be acts of service. If you give heartfelt compliments, it might be words of affirmation.
2) What do I value most from my partner?
- If you feel most loved when you receive thoughtful gifts, receiving gifts might be your love language. If quality time together is essential to you, that might be your primary language.
3) What makes me feel hurt or unappreciated?
- Reflecting on times when you’ve felt neglected can reveal your love language. If you’re hurt when someone cancels plans, quality time could be important to you. If a lack of physical affection bothers you, physical touch might be your love language.
4) What do I request most often from my partner?
- Pay attention to what you ask for. Do you ask for more quality time, affirming words, or physical closeness? This may reveal your love language.
5) How do I feel when my partner does something unexpected for me?
- Notice what makes you happiest. If a surprise hug or an unexpected kind word makes your day, it may give insight into your love language.
What is your partner's love language?
Understanding your partner's love language can deepen your connection and help you express love in ways that mean the most to them. Here are some tips to help determine your partner’s love language:
- Observe their reactions: Notice how your partner responds to different expressions of affection. If they light up at compliments, words of affirmation might be key.
- Pay attention to their complaints: If your partner often mentions feeling overlooked or needing more time together, this could indicate a need for quality time or acts of service.
- Notice what they ask for: If your partner frequently requests cuddles, physical touch may be their love language. If they enjoy small surprises, it might be receiving gifts.
- Watch how they express love: People often show love in the way they wish to receive it. If your partner regularly does thoughtful things for you, acts of service could be important to them.
- Ask open-ended questions: Gently asking questions like “What makes you feel most loved?” or “What do you appreciate most in our relationship?” can offer insights.
- Look at their reactions to your gestures: When you try out different love languages, see which efforts make them happiest. Their reactions can help you pinpoint what truly resonates.
- Take a quiz together: If they’re open to it, consider taking the 5 Love Languages quiz together—it can spark meaningful conversation and understanding.
How love languages benefit relationships
Understanding each other’s love language is essential for building a fulfilling and supportive relationship. When you know how your partner feels most loved, you can connect with them in a way that genuinely resonates, strengthening your bond. Ignoring your partner’s love language, on the other hand, can lead to feelings of neglect, frustration, and even emotional distance. Meeting each other’s needs in love is foundational for trust, intimacy, and long-lasting happiness.
Love languages promote selflessness
When you focus on your partner’s love language, you become more selfless, putting their emotional needs first. By doing so, you create a relationship where each person is willing to give, leading to a balanced and caring partnership.
Love languages create empathy
Understanding your partner’s love language fosters empathy as you see the world through their eyes. Recognizing how they feel most appreciated encourages you to connect on a deeper emotional level, building compassion and closeness.
Love languages help maintain intimacy
Learning and speaking each other’s love languages helps maintain intimacy by keeping the emotional connection alive. It reminds you to regularly nurture each other, allowing intimacy to grow and evolve over time.
Love languages aid personal growth
Understanding love languages encourages personal growth by helping you step outside your comfort zone to meet your partner’s needs. This openness to change and improvement strengthens both the relationship and your personal development.
Love languages help you share love in meaningful ways
Knowing each other’s love language enables you to express love in ways that feel truly meaningful. This deepens your connection, as each act of love is perceived as thoughtful and intentional, enriching the bond you share.
Magalit as the new love language
Magalit is a Filipino word that means feeling angry or upset. It’s been recently added to the love language world and symbolizes standing up for yourself when a partner is saying or doing something that hurts your feelings. Although it may sound weird, the introduction of magalit is a good thing and is a green flag in your relationships. It promotes healthy relationships and communication where you’re not letting the partner walk all over you, but make them respect your boundaries, feelings, and everything else.
Ps – there are more variations to the five love languages theory these days. For example, there are seven love languages that grew out of the original five. They are: active, appreciating, emotional, financial, intellectual, physical, and practical.
Criticisms of love languages theory
Just like any theory, especially when it has to do with love and relationships, Chapman’s five love languages received a fair share of criticism over the years.
Firstly, although it’s not fair to blame the pastor in our opinion, many people started using love languages not as a way to understand others, but to demand a certain type of action from their partners. Chapman preached the importance of knowing what your lovers want and how catering to their needs and preferences can bring the couple even closer. That somehow got twisted in some people’s minds.
Another common criticism is that love languages are not black and white. Some of us may want all five types of love language to be thrown at us, others believe there are more types than those originally described. Also, the theory is said to be over-simplifying things, and ignoring cultural differences, past traumas, sexuality, and differences between the relationships.
All criticisms are valid, but the bottom line is – love is not maths or physics. There’s no formula for relationships, so it makes little sense to treat love languages as a scientific fact. Instead, it can be a fun and insightful theory that can improve your partnership. But you shouldn’t rely on it to perform a miracle or be 100% correct all the time.
Bottom line
The concept of love languages reveals that love isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience; it’s unique to each person. By understanding your own and your partner’s love language, you can cultivate a deeper, more meaningful connection built on empathy, thoughtfulness, and mutual respect. Love languages encourage us to look beyond our own preferences and consider what truly makes our partner feel cherished, strengthening the bond and bringing more joy and harmony to the relationship. In the end, understanding and speaking each other’s love languages can be one of the simplest yet most impactful ways to keep love alive and fulfilling.
Love languages - FAQ
What are the 5 major love languages?
The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
How can I tell my partner's love language?
Pay attention to how they express love, what they frequently request, and what they value most in your relationship.
What is the love language of a woman?
Women, like anyone, can have any love language; it varies by individual rather than gender.
What is most men's love language?
Many men report physical touch or words of affirmation as their primary love language, but it varies greatly from person to person.
