There is something unapologetically sexy about power games in sex. Domination, impact play, and pony play allow you to feel either endlessly powerful and in control or completely submissive.
Is there anything else you can try, though?
Yes! Chastity is a great alternative to other kinks that you and your partner(s) can experiment with. If you’ve never tried or heard of it, our little beginner’s guide to chastity will cover all the basics. Today, we’ll share how to explore chastity ethically and have fun with it, talk about why so many people love it, and share the main chastity safety tips.
Yes! Chastity is a great alternative to other kinks that you and your partner(s) can experiment with. If you’ve never tried or heard of it, our little beginner’s guide to chastity will cover all the basics. Today, we’ll share how to explore chastity ethically and have fun with it, talk about why so many people love it, and share the main chastity safety tips.
What is chastity in BDSM?
Chastity is the kink centered around the restriction of pleasure. Typically, although not necessarily, it involves a device that somehow prevents the person from being able to:
There is usually a submissive person who is denied sexual pleasure and release, and the dominating one is sometimes referred to as the key holder. The key holder is literally or figuratively holding the key to their partner’s orgasm, and they apply psychological domination and require discipline, obedience, and overall submission from them.
Chastity can be a short-term thing or a long-term dynamic, depending on everyone’s preferences. It can also be a limited, couple of hours event or become a full-time part of the daily routine where the sub is wearing some device almost 24/7 with only a few hours break.
Side note: If you are going to talk about chastity with someone, make sure you’re on the same page with them. Some understand chastity primarily as sex abstinence for religious, medical, or personal reasons. They don’t link it with BDSM or kinks, and they may be very confused once you progress with this conversation.
- Have sex
- Get aroused (primarily for penis owners)
- Reach an orgasm
There is usually a submissive person who is denied sexual pleasure and release, and the dominating one is sometimes referred to as the key holder. The key holder is literally or figuratively holding the key to their partner’s orgasm, and they apply psychological domination and require discipline, obedience, and overall submission from them.
Chastity can be a short-term thing or a long-term dynamic, depending on everyone’s preferences. It can also be a limited, couple of hours event or become a full-time part of the daily routine where the sub is wearing some device almost 24/7 with only a few hours break.
Side note: If you are going to talk about chastity with someone, make sure you’re on the same page with them. Some understand chastity primarily as sex abstinence for religious, medical, or personal reasons. They don’t link it with BDSM or kinks, and they may be very confused once you progress with this conversation.
Chastity tools
Technically, you don't need any devices, tools, or accessories to start with chastity. But it isn't so fun then, is it?
Here are a few ideas to get you started.
In addition to these main tools, you can get a few accessories to spice things up.
Here are a few ideas to get you started.
- Belts. Chastity belts are great because they fit men's and women's anatomy. You can switch them back and forth between yourself and your lovers. Great value for money, especially in this economy! These belts can be purchased in silicone to make them easier to live in, or you can go for hardcore metal ones to get a full-on medieval experience.
- Chastity cages for penis-holders. There are special cages to encase and lock someone's penis. How neat! This little thing will block and prevent erections and essentially make stimulation impossible.
- Chastity shields and cages for women. Similar to cages for penises, these tools block access to the vulva, so you can't masturbate, play with a vibrator, or have penetrative sex unless the dom takes it off.
- Smart devices. Thank God for technology! There are modern chastity devices out there that connect to Bluetooth and enable the digital key holder to control it remotely. Not only is it fun, but you can also playfully mess with your partner if you are far away but want to stay emotionally close.
In addition to these main tools, you can get a few accessories to spice things up.
- A timed lock will allow you to set a timer for release.
- Keyholders or fancy key boxes can be used for the symbolic exchange of keys and control.
Benefits of chastity
Chastity is not everyone's cup of tea, but it's a fun little kink.
If you struggle to see why anyone would enjoy chastity, here are some selling points.
Also, if you're experimenting with your sexual experiences and want to try celibacy, for example, for penetrative sex only, chastity devices are great helpers. If your version of celibacy allows kissing and hugging, the temptation can become just a little bit too much. The device will ensure you don't cross the line.
If you struggle to see why anyone would enjoy chastity, here are some selling points.
- Stronger arousal than you can have with classic sex. Imagine waiting for hours and being teased endlessly before you can finally touch each other and have sex. Oof! The anticipation alone is almost unbearable.
- Long-lasting orgasms. More studies need to be carried out about it, but waiting for foreplay and sex results in more powerful orgasms. Not only are they lasting longer, but they're stronger than usual.
- Erotic power exchange. Power games are inherently exciting, and implementing such dynamics in a couple's intimacy consensually strengthens their emotional bond.
- Trust. Passing complete control over your genitals to another person is scary and requires a lot of trust. Couples who do it get an unmatched sense of trust between them, something that is hard to replicate in different scenarios.
- Self-discipline—now, that's a productivity technique we can support! You have no choice but to work on your self-control, discipline, patience, and mindfulness.
Also, if you're experimenting with your sexual experiences and want to try celibacy, for example, for penetrative sex only, chastity devices are great helpers. If your version of celibacy allows kissing and hugging, the temptation can become just a little bit too much. The device will ensure you don't cross the line.
Safety and consent tips
Chastity is, obviously, a very limiting and restraining kink. Whether you’re doing it with someone you’ve just met on the Flure app or a person you’ve been seeing for a while, it’s paramount that you exchange full, enthusiastic, and verbal consent.
Everyone has to understand what chastity entails and be prepared for it. You’ll be limiting not just the ways you can get sexual pleasure but also the basics, such as the ability to touch yourself casually and maybe even the trips to the toilet.
Talk about:
Next, discuss the exit options. Prepare a safe word, symbol, or gesture. Even if you guys are super comfortable around one another, there has to be a way to quickly communicate that you’re no longer into the chastity game.
A nice and short safe word or gesture is helpful because:
In terms of safety, don’t lock someone up for longer periods of time or when you leave town. What if there’s an emergency? They should be able to take the device off quickly. For those purposes, consider keeping the spare key somewhere close so it can be used in exceptional circumstances.
Those are the main tips for safety and consent, and here is a brief checklist for you to have a glance at before you engage in a new chastity session:
Sometimes, people feel weird about bringing those topics up, worrying that it will spoil the mood and make them look lame, but the opposite happens. Being taken care of, respected, and supported is terrific, and everyone wants that.
Everyone has to understand what chastity entails and be prepared for it. You’ll be limiting not just the ways you can get sexual pleasure but also the basics, such as the ability to touch yourself casually and maybe even the trips to the toilet.
Talk about:
- Boundaries
- Limits
- Scenarios
- Preferences
Next, discuss the exit options. Prepare a safe word, symbol, or gesture. Even if you guys are super comfortable around one another, there has to be a way to quickly communicate that you’re no longer into the chastity game.
A nice and short safe word or gesture is helpful because:
- You don’t need to have a lengthy exchange and conversation, leaving the person uncomfortable.
- If someone is shy or afraid to stop because they don’t want to ruin the fun for you, it will be easier for them to say a word or show a symbol. Lowering the barrier to exit is critical if you want to create a healthy kink environment for all parties involved.
In terms of safety, don’t lock someone up for longer periods of time or when you leave town. What if there’s an emergency? They should be able to take the device off quickly. For those purposes, consider keeping the spare key somewhere close so it can be used in exceptional circumstances.
Those are the main tips for safety and consent, and here is a brief checklist for you to have a glance at before you engage in a new chastity session:
- Mutual consent
- Boundaries
- Well-fitted devices
- Slow start
- Hygiene for skin and devices
- Safe word
- Regular check-ins
Sometimes, people feel weird about bringing those topics up, worrying that it will spoil the mood and make them look lame, but the opposite happens. Being taken care of, respected, and supported is terrific, and everyone wants that.
Flure isn’t just a dating app—it’s your gateway to meaningful connections and unforgettable experiences. Whether you’re seeking new friendships, someone special, or just exploring, Flure makes it easy to find your kind of people. Built on trust, safety, and authenticity, Flure turns your online dating into something truly magical. Ready to make connections that matter? Join Flure today and see where it takes you!
FAQ
Is chastity controlling?
Chastity is inherently controlling, but that’s the whole point of the kink! Two or more people willingly join this game and agree to have their bodies restricted and controlled by someone else. If it’s fully consensual, then there is no issue with that.
Is chastity for men or women?
Chastity is a kink that works for both men and women. Men are often a bit more skeptical as anything that has to do with a penis is super stressful. However, there are completely safe devices and practices for everyone, so don’t shy away from this pleasure!
Is chastity normal?
Chastity is a little power game that people play to have some fun and try new things in the intimacy department. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s consensual and you’re exploring chastity ethically.
