Shibari, also known as "kinbaku," is a traditional Japanese practice of decorative rope bondage. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll show you the ropes of this fascinating practice and help you determine whether it aligns with your interests. For those seeking such a partner, Flure is one platform that helps members explore new avenues of self-expression and discovery.
What is shibari?
Originating from the Japanese martial art of "hojōjutsu," a technique of restraining captives, shibari evolved in the mid-20th century into an art form and sensual practice focused on aesthetic and emotional connection.
In shibari, practitioners use ropes, typically made of natural fibers like jute or hemp, to create intricate and symmetrical patterns on the body. The emphasis is on aesthetics, trust, and consensual interaction, often focusing on creating a connection between the person tying (known as the "rigger") and the one being tied. Shibari scenes can range from purely artistic displays to intimate or therapeutic practices, and they are typically marked by careful attention to safety and open communication.
In shibari, practitioners use ropes, typically made of natural fibers like jute or hemp, to create intricate and symmetrical patterns on the body. The emphasis is on aesthetics, trust, and consensual interaction, often focusing on creating a connection between the person tying (known as the "rigger") and the one being tied. Shibari scenes can range from purely artistic displays to intimate or therapeutic practices, and they are typically marked by careful attention to safety and open communication.
Preparation and planning for shibari
Shibari is an intimate and artistic practice that relies on communication, trust, and mutual consent. Proper preparation is essential to create a safe and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Here’s a guide to help you plan and prepare for a meaningful shibari session, from setting expectations to choosing the right materials.
1. Open conversation and consent
- Begin with a thorough discussion about boundaries, intentions, and comfort levels.
- Establish a safe word or signal that either person can use to pause or stop the scene.
- Clarify the type of experience both parties desire, whether it’s focused on aesthetics, relaxation, or emotional release.
2. Discuss comfort and health needs
- Talk about any physical limitations, past injuries, or health issues that might impact positioning or duration.
- Consider allergies to materials, particularly if you plan to use natural fiber ropes like jute or hemp.
3. Set the scene and mood
- Choose a space that is private, comfortable, and free from interruptions.
- Use soft lighting, music, or other elements to create a calm and focused environment.
- Keep the room at a comfortable temperature, as shibari can sometimes cause the body to cool down.
4. Prepare safety tools
- Always have a pair of medical-grade safety shears within reach in case a quick release is necessary.
- Keep a first-aid kit on hand for minor injuries, such as rope burns or pinched skin.
- Familiarize yourself with basic nerve and circulation points to minimize the risk of numbness or injury.
5. Practice knots and techniques
- Before attempting complex ties, practice basic knots and rope handling techniques.
- Use online tutorials or classes to develop your skills, or consider training with an experienced instructor.
- Prioritize safety over aesthetics, especially when you are just starting.
6. Select and prepare the ropes
- Choose ropes that are soft and skin-friendly, with natural fibers like jute or hemp preferred by many practitioners.
- Condition the ropes by washing or oiling them if needed, and inspect them for any frays or weak spots.
- Cut ropes to various lengths depending on the ties you plan to use, with shorter lengths generally easier for beginners.
Equipment to choose
Different types of rope vary in texture, flexibility, strength, and ease of use. Beginners and professionals often choose ropes based on these qualities to ensure they align with their skill level and goals.
Types of rope and suitability for skill levels
Cotton rope (Beginner-friendly)
- Characteristics: Soft, smooth, and flexible, cotton ropes are gentle on the skin and easy to handle.
- Benefits for beginners: Cotton rope is easy to manipulate and forgiving on the hands, making it ideal for those new to tying. It’s also more comfortable for the person being tied, reducing the risk of skin irritation or rope burns.
- Considerations: Cotton ropes may lack the grip necessary for more complex or decorative ties, and they tend to stretch over time, which can loosen knots.
Nylon or synthetic rope (Beginner to intermediate)
- Characteristics: Smooth, slippery, and available in a variety of colors, nylon ropes are durable and easy to clean.
- Benefits for beginners and intermediates: Nylon ropes are versatile and allow for relatively smooth tying. They’re easy to find and don’t require conditioning.
- Considerations: Nylon can be quite slippery, making it harder to secure tight knots, and it has less grip than natural fibers, which can be a drawback for advanced ties.
Jute rope (Intermediate to advanced)
- Characteristics: Rougher texture, excellent grip, and generally stiffer than cotton or nylon.
- Benefits for professionals: Jute rope is a popular choice among experienced riggers due to its strength, durability, and grip, which allow for more intricate and stable ties. It holds tension well, enabling the creation of decorative or complex patterns.
- Considerations: Jute requires conditioning and ongoing maintenance to keep it soft and pliable, and its rough texture can be uncomfortable on sensitive skin.
Hemp rope (Intermediate to advanced)
- Characteristics: Softer than jute but with similar grip, slightly more flexible, and more skin-friendly.
- Benefits for professionals: Hemp rope provides a balanced feel that’s durable and flexible, making it suitable for advanced ties. It’s softer on the skin than jute but still offers good control and aesthetic appeal.
- Considerations: Hemp, like jute, needs conditioning and maintenance. It can be more expensive but is highly valued for its combination of comfort and stability.
Differences between beginner and professional ropes
- Texture: Beginner ropes like cotton are smoother, while professional ropes like jute have a rougher texture that allows for more secure and artistic ties.
- Grip and stability: Ropes for professionals are often less slippery, providing a more reliable hold and making it easier to control tension. This helps in achieving complex designs and ensuring the ties stay in place.
- Maintenance: Advanced ropes, such as jute and hemp, require regular conditioning to prevent fraying and to keep them soft and flexible, whereas beginner ropes like cotton or nylon need little upkeep.
For beginners, starting with cotton or synthetic ropes is generally recommended. As skills progress, switching to natural fiber ropes like jute or hemp can open up new possibilities and enhance both the aesthetic and functional aspects of shibari.
Role understanding in shibari
In shibari, roles are clearly defined to ensure safety, consent, and trust between participants. The two primary roles, often known as the rigger (the one who ties) and the model or rope bottom (the one being tied), each have distinct responsibilities and mindsets that contribute to a fulfilling and consensual experience. Here’s a breakdown of the roles and what each one entails.
1. The Rigger (or Top)
- Role and responsibilities: The rigger, or top, is the person responsible for tying and creating the patterns on the model. This role requires skill, attentiveness, and care, as they are in control of the session’s physical aspects. They need to be knowledgeable about safe tying techniques, anatomy, and rope handling.
- Mindset and intentions: The rigger should focus on creating a secure, consensual experience for the model. This includes listening to the model’s feedback, checking for comfort, and being aware of any signs of discomfort or distress.
- Naughty or artistic expression: In a more playful or sensual context, the rigger may use the binding to explore themes of control, sensuality, or vulnerability with their partner. Their goal, however, should always be to maintain a balanced and respectful dynamic.
2. The Model (or Bottom)
- Role and responsibilities: The model, or bottom, is the person being tied and placed in various positions. They are responsible for communicating openly about their comfort level, any sensations of numbness or pain, and emotional responses that may arise during the session.
- Mindset and intentions: The model should approach the session with an open mindset, ready to experience vulnerability, relaxation, or even catharsis. It’s essential for the model to be attentive to their body’s signals and not hesitate to speak up when needed.
- Playful or submissive expression: Models often enjoy exploring a feeling of surrender or playfulness within the boundaries they’ve set with the rigger. Depending on the dynamic, they may take on a more playful, “naughty” role, which can enhance the overall connection and interaction.
3. Creating a Shared Connection
- Consent and negotiation: Both parties must have a mutual understanding of their roles, desires, and boundaries. Before beginning, the rigger and model should discuss physical limits, emotional expectations, and safe words.
- Trust and care: The rigger should be attentive and responsible, while the model should trust in the rigger’s skill and ability to create a safe experience.
- Dynamic exploration: The roles of rigger and model aren’t just about control and submission; they are about creating a harmonious exchange of trust, creativity, and intimacy. Whether the dynamic is playful, therapeutic, or artistic, both parties contribute equally to the overall experience.
In shibari, the interplay between the rigger and model enables a blend of artistry and emotional depth. The model can explore vulnerability or sensuality, while the rigger crafts a safe, engaging experience. Each role, while distinct, is essential to creating a fulfilling and consensual session.
5 shibari positions to try
There are several classic shibari positions to explore, each offering different levels of complexity, aesthetic appeal, and sensation. Here are five popular positions, perfect for enhancing both artistry and connection between the participants.
1. The Box Tie (Takate Kote)
The box tie, or takate kote, is a foundational shibari position where the model’s arms are tied behind their back with the wrists crossed and secured. This position is versatile and often used as the basis for more complex ties.
- Complexity: Intermediate
- Sensation: Restriction and vulnerability, with pressure across the chest and shoulders.
- Tips: Ensure that the ropes don’t put too much strain on the shoulders or restrict blood flow to the arms.
2. The Frog Tie
The frog tie is a comfortable and flexible position where the model’s legs are bent at the knees, with the ankles tied to the thighs, mimicking a “frog” stance. This position can be done on the floor or in suspension with more advanced rigging.
- Complexity: Beginner to intermediate
- Sensation: A comfortable stretch in the hips, perfect for beginners wanting to try partial restraint.
- Tips: Avoid tying too tightly around the knees to maintain circulation and comfort, especially during extended sessions.
3. The Hogtie
The hogtie is a classic bondage position where the model’s wrists and ankles are tied together behind their back, creating a compact and restrictive posture. It’s often used in both floor and suspension settings for its intense restraint effect.
- Complexity: Intermediate
- Sensation: Full-body restriction, with emphasis on the lower back and arms.
- Tips: Check in frequently, as this position can become uncomfortable over time. Make sure the model’s back and arms are well-supported.
4. The Ebi (Shrimp Tie)
The ebi, or “shrimp tie,” is a traditional Japanese position where the model’s torso is tied to their knees, creating a compact, curled-up posture. This position emphasizes a sense of surrender and is often used for emotional or meditative shibari sessions.
- Complexity: Advanced
- Sensation: Constriction and deep submission, with pressure on the legs and abdomen.
- Tips: Ensure the model is comfortable with the curled position, as it can create a sensation of vulnerability. Use cushions if needed for extra support.
5. The Chest Harness
A chest harness is a versatile position where rope is wrapped around the torso and shoulders, creating a frame-like structure across the chest. It can be used alone or as a foundation for more intricate ties or suspensions.
- Complexity: Beginner to advanced
- Sensation: Gentle compression on the chest, allowing for partial restriction without intense confinement.
- Tips: Keep the harness loose enough for breathing but tight enough to provide support. Chest harnesses work well for both beginners and experienced practitioners.
Shibari terminology
Here’s a list of essential shibari terms to know:
Rigger
The person tying the ropes, also known as the “top” or “dominant” in shibari scenes.
Model (or Rope Bottom)
The person being tied, also referred to as the “bottom” or “submissive.” The model communicates their comfort and boundaries with the rigger.
Takate Kote (Box Tie)
A foundational arm tie where the model’s arms are bound behind their back. Often used as a base for more complex positions.
Harness
A rope structure created around a specific area of the body, such as the chest, hips, or legs, to add stability and support.
Suspension
A more advanced practice where the model is partially or fully lifted off the ground using ropes. This requires high skill and attention to safety.
Safe Word
An agreed-upon word or signal that either party can use to pause or stop the session if discomfort or unexpected distress arises.
Aftercare
The process of checking in with each other after a shibari session. It involves discussing the experience, ensuring physical comfort, and providing emotional support.
Flow
The seamless, continuous motion of tying and movement, often with a focus on maintaining connection and rhythm between the rigger and model.
Nerve Safety
An essential concept in shibari focused on avoiding areas like the radial and ulnar nerves, particularly in ties that restrict blood flow or nerve sensation.
Conditioning
The process of preparing and maintaining ropes (particularly jute or hemp) by treating them with oil or wax to keep them soft, smooth, and safe for use.
The person tying the ropes, also known as the “top” or “dominant” in shibari scenes.
Model (or Rope Bottom)
The person being tied, also referred to as the “bottom” or “submissive.” The model communicates their comfort and boundaries with the rigger.
Takate Kote (Box Tie)
A foundational arm tie where the model’s arms are bound behind their back. Often used as a base for more complex positions.
Harness
A rope structure created around a specific area of the body, such as the chest, hips, or legs, to add stability and support.
Suspension
A more advanced practice where the model is partially or fully lifted off the ground using ropes. This requires high skill and attention to safety.
Safe Word
An agreed-upon word or signal that either party can use to pause or stop the session if discomfort or unexpected distress arises.
Aftercare
The process of checking in with each other after a shibari session. It involves discussing the experience, ensuring physical comfort, and providing emotional support.
Flow
The seamless, continuous motion of tying and movement, often with a focus on maintaining connection and rhythm between the rigger and model.
Nerve Safety
An essential concept in shibari focused on avoiding areas like the radial and ulnar nerves, particularly in ties that restrict blood flow or nerve sensation.
Conditioning
The process of preparing and maintaining ropes (particularly jute or hemp) by treating them with oil or wax to keep them soft, smooth, and safe for use.
Safety for both partners
Safety is paramount in shibari, as it requires close attention to physical and emotional well-being for both the rigger (the person tying) and the model (the person being tied). Safe play not only enhances trust and enjoyment but also reduces the risk of injury. Here are essential tips to ensure safety for both partners, covering guidance for the model, the rigger, and both.
When you’re tied
- Communicate openly: Speak up about any discomfort, numbness, or tingling sensations. Regularly communicate with your rigger to help them adjust as needed.
- Know your limits: Be aware of your physical boundaries and don’t hesitate to let your partner know when something feels wrong.
- Practice body awareness: Pay attention to how your body feels in different positions, and notice signs of restricted circulation, especially in hands, feet, and areas under tension.
- Use safe words: Agree on a safe word before starting, which can quickly indicate when you need a pause or a full stop.
When you’re the tier
- Monitor circulation: Check for signs of poor circulation, like color changes or cool skin, especially in hands, wrists, and feet. Numbness or tingling can signal that circulation is impaired.
- Avoid nerve-sensitive areas: Learn about nerve locations and avoid placing ropes over areas like the neck, armpits, and inner arms, which can lead to nerve damage.
- Use safety shears: Always have medical-grade safety shears nearby for quick rope removal in case of emergency.
- Keep checking in: Regularly ask your partner how they feel. Even subtle adjustments can make a big difference in comfort and safety.
- Prioritize comfort over aesthetics: Especially when you’re new to shibari, focus on comfortable, safe ties rather than intricate designs.
Both!
- Establish clear communication: Before starting, discuss boundaries, goals, and any health concerns to ensure mutual understanding and trust.
- Set safe words and signals: Agree on a safe word or gesture for use during the session if anything feels uncomfortable or overwhelming.
- Plan for aftercare: Both partners may benefit from aftercare, a period to discuss the session, decompress, and provide physical or emotional comfort. This can include a gentle massage, a warm drink, or simply holding space for one another.
- Take breaks: Extended sessions can lead to fatigue, numbness, or muscle strain. Regular breaks can help reduce these risks.
- Learn first aid basics: Knowing how to handle minor injuries and being aware of nerve and circulation issues is invaluable.
How to care for ropes
Proper care and maintenance of shibari ropes are essential for their longevity, safety, and comfort. With regular upkeep, ropes will stay soft, durable, and free from frays or tangles. Here’s a guide on how to keep, wash, and store your ropes when they aren’t in use.
Storing ropes
- Keep them in a dry, cool place: Store your ropes away from direct sunlight, moisture, and extreme temperatures, which can weaken or damage natural fibers like jute or hemp.
- Use a rope bag or box: A dedicated bag or box will help protect your ropes from dust and environmental damage. A breathable fabric bag is ideal for natural fibers, allowing air circulation to prevent mildew.
- Avoid tangling: To prevent tangling, keep ropes coiled neatly (see tips on coiling below) and avoid piling them haphazardly in storage.
Washing ropes
- Hand wash natural fiber ropes: For jute and hemp, hand washing in cold water is recommended, as heat can cause shrinkage and damage. Avoid soaking for too long and use a gentle, natural soap if needed.
- Dry thoroughly: After washing, lay the ropes flat on a towel and allow them to air dry completely. Avoid direct sunlight or a dryer, as heat can weaken fibers.
- Maintain conditioning: Natural fiber ropes benefit from occasional conditioning with rope wax or natural oil (like jojoba or mineral oil) to keep them supple. Lightly oil them after they are completely dry.
Storing and coiling ropes when not in use
- Coil ropes properly: Use a coiling method that maintains the rope’s shape, like the “butterfly coil.” Start by holding one end of the rope, then loop it back and forth into an even, figure-eight shape. Secure it with a simple overhand knot or slip knot to keep it neat.
- Tie ropes to prevent tangling: For longer storage, secure coiled ropes with a slip knot or tie them with a small piece of fabric or string. This prevents them from unraveling or tangling in storage.
- Check for frays and wear: Each time you coil or uncoil your ropes, inspect for frays, thinning spots, or damage. Trim any loose fibers and replace ropes if they show significant wear.
Shibari: FAQ
What is shibari?
Shibari is a Japanese rope bondage art that emphasizes aesthetic patterns, connection, and trust between partners through intricate rope work.
Is it cultural appropriation to do shibari if I’m not Japanese?
This depends on your approach; practicing shibari with respect, learning its history, and acknowledging its cultural roots shows respect, while using it superficially or misrepresenting its origins can be seen as appropriation.
How do I get started with shibari?
Start by learning basic knots and safety principles, ideally through reputable online resources, workshops, or experienced practitioners.
Why are people into shibari?
People are drawn to shibari for various reasons, including its artistry, emotional intimacy, and the unique sensations it can provide.
How can it strengthen your relationship with your partner?
Shibari builds trust, enhances communication, and creates a deeper emotional connection, as both partners rely on each other’s trust and consent throughout.
Where can I learn more about shibari?
You can learn through online tutorials, books, local workshops, or by connecting with shibari communities that prioritize safety and respectful learning.
