Thanks to globalization and technological revolution, we are now connected to more people than ever. You can be sitting in Kansas and texting with someone in New Zealand, Nigeria, or Japan.
The online dating phenomenon enabled many new trends and, in a way, caused shifts in societal norms. Suddenly, tens of thousands of people found themselves attracted to someone who lives across the country and beyond. And if we add all the people who found themselves in a long distance relationship because of more traditional reasons, such as going away to study or work, we get a large chunk of the population that has to deal with remote romances.
There are many preconceptions surrounding long distance relationships, so we decided to clear the air, and clarify what a long distance relationship means, find out how to make a long distance relationship and share some tips and date ideas for when you and your lover are in different cities.
What is considered a long distance relationship
There’s probably more than one definition of what a long distance relationship means, but it’s most commonly referred to as a romantic relationship where partners are separated by a distance that is large enough to prevent them from regular personal interaction.
Can a long distance relationship last?
Many people ask – does a long distance relationship work? The answer is, as always in life, – it depends.
There’s never a guarantee that your particular relationship will be successful or not. There are situations when people manage this difficult period gracefully and become closer than ever. For others, the hustle of maintaining a remote romance is simply not worth it, so they break up.
Long distance relationships often get a bad rep, but in reality, they simply need a bit more work and intention. If there’s a couple that’s been casually going out, and one of the partners gets a job in a state across the entire country, they’re suddenly forced to either break up or take it to the next step and become more serious. It’s not always fair, especially when the two people didn’t have a proper chance to get to know one another before facing this decision. Naturally, such relationships tend to not last.
However, if you are committed to one another, and understand that a long distance relationship will require more work on both ends, and you’re okay with that, – there’s no reason why it would fail.
Things to do when in a long distance relationship
If you’re far away from your boyfriend (or girlfriend, husband, or anyone else significant), there are ways you can make him feel special and feel loved yourself.
The bottom line is – long distance relationships are often lonely. One of the best ways to make your romance last is to plan for things to happen. Don’t let your dynamic be solely made of random chats and calls and nothing else. You’ll get bored too soon. Instead, come up with fun things to do together and share memories, even though you’re far away.
- Spice up your romantic life with sexting, nudes, joint masturbation, delivering sex toys and gadgets to each other, and exploring them together over Facetime.
- Think of date ideas. You can stream the same Netflix show while having Zoom on, so you can enjoy and discuss it together. In the same fashion, arrange dinners where you cook the same thing, and then eat it in front of each other.
- Try something romantic that you wouldn’t do if the person was near you. All the cheesy and over-the-top gestures can really help you cope with separation. For example, try sending poems instead of your usual messages.
Long distance relationship tips
Being apart from someone you date and love is hard. Just like with any kind of remote communication, romantic relationships can suffer from misunderstandings, the feeling of being neglected, jealousy, and so much more.
But don’t let all those potential issues put you off long distance romances! There are things you can do to maintain and strengthen your relationship, no matter how many time zones you are away from each other. Here is a list of tips that the Flure team pulled from experience and from talking to dating experts. Feel free to mix and match!
Talk. Like with your voice and everything
Texting has become the norm, and calling someone without a warning is even considered rude in certain demographics. But that shouldn’t be the case for you and your boyfriends and girlfriends. If the bandwidth allows, turn on the camera, so you can see each other too. But please, please, please – talk more to each other, even if you’re both tired and busy. Hearing each other’s voices will help maintain a deep connection, and you’re much more likely to have deeper conversations over the phone than on WhatsApp.
Check in with each other in the morning and at night
Is there anything better than starting and ending the day with someone you genuinely like? Plus, those two times within the day are when you’re most likely to feel lonely, so it’s a perfect moment to let your loved one know you miss them and care about them.
Schedule in-person meetings
This might be difficult if your partner is in India, while you’re in New York. The cost of the flights alone is excruciating, and in this economy too! But, hear us out. No matter how complicated it is, make it a goal to see each other at least every few months. Even if you both are very mature and your feelings are strong, being far away adds a toll on the relationship. Being able to hug each other, hold hands, stay in one space, and move away from sexting to the real thing for once, – all that will keep the spark alive.
Pro tip: Budget for an emergency visit. Should your partner feel especially lonely, or sad, or if they’re going through a rough period, it would make a world of a difference for them to see you, especially when they’re least expecting it.
Don’t ignore it if the vibes are off
Some long distance relationships go through phases where partners feel disconnected or one of them starts to notice red flags. That’s when you should double down on communication and be brave enough to ask the uncomfortable questions. If you want your relationship to survive, you’ll have to clear the air and talk about the problems openly. If you don’t know how to deal with the issues you’re facing, consider online couples therapy.
Sidenote
You’ll probably hear a lot of unsolicited long distance relationship advice, stories, and ideas. It’s good to get a second opinion and get inspired by what someone else is thinking or doing, but don’t lean on that too much. Every relationship is different, and only the two people know what’s really going on. Listen to your partner, listen to your gut, follow your heart.
Common issues in long distance relationships
Just like any relationship, long distance romances are not immune to issues. Here are the most common problems that couples face when far away from each other.
- Different expectations from the relationship and life in general.
- Trust issues rooted in insecurities or past trauma.
- One of the partners not being truly interested in the romance.
- Not voicing concerns or problems until they snowball into a giant disaster.
- Financial struggle to keep up with seeing each other, buying gifts, etc.
Like we said before, all relationships go through waves of honeymoons and less happy times. Long distance relationships are no different. If you’re facing some or all of the issues we touched on, don’t think that your relationship is doomed. It might be if you or the partner don’t think it’s worth it, but you can absolutely turn things around if you really want to.
