For 19-year-old Elisa, online dating was a draining experience filled with overwhelming messages from guys, hookup offers, and awkward first dates. “I started to feel like there was something wrong with me because when meeting a stranger for the first time, I had to decide immediately if I should sleep with them. The way they hoped to have casual sex with me just because I agreed to chat or to meet was making me nervous. All guys expect you to get easily aroused, and nobody cares about what your expectations are,” - she shared with Flure’s dating experts. Elisa broke up with her boyfriend six months ago because, she says, she wasn’t ready for a relationship: “This is what I don’t understand about myself. I want to have a lot of good, safe sex, sex with different people. But simultaneously, I have no idea what I want. I don’t have this much experience to know. I feel I need to explore. But I don’t know what should I begin with, and people on dating apps sometimes creep me out. I don’t know if it makes me a self-denying moralist.”
Elisa’s confusion is natural. For many people, and especially for young ones, sex is still a forbidden fruit, even though today's society is much less affected by prejudice or religious dogmas. In this article, we explain the ten signs why Elisa and many people like her are, in fact, sex-positive.
- Consent is your priority. You understand that mutual consent is fundamental in all sexual encounters. You respect other people’s choices, concerns, and boundaries, and understand that it is a long-term, continuous process.
- You talk openly. For you, talking about sex feels natural, like talking about food, work, or health. You are comfortable discussing sexual topics with friends and family, which shows you realize the connection between open communication and healthy relationships.
- You embrace diversity. As we noted above, you respect and understand that people can have different sexual orientations, identities, or preferences. Today, this notion spreads beyond LGBTQ+ and women's rights and aims to highlight the importance of acceptance of polyamorous relationships and all other consensual sexual activities.
- You denounce shaming. Societal stigma and shame that are still strongly connected with people’s sexual lives make you feel rebellious. You believe that as long as activities are consensual and safe, there’s no place for judgment.
- You educate yourself and others. Once you realize that sex has countless topics to explore and learn, you seek information about it in your community, in media, and online, and want to educate others.
- You advocate for sexual rights. You support causes that promote sexual health and rights, such as access to sexual education, reproductive rights, and LGBTQ+ rights.
- You understand the importance of safety. You realize the importance of sexual health and encourage practices that reduce the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
- You support sexual expression. You respect people's right to express their sexuality, whether it's through how they dress, the art they create, or the relationships they choose to have.
- You value sexual pleasure. You accept sexual pleasure as a natural and essential part of your life. You explore and understand your desires and communicate them to your partners.
- You are non-judgmental. Whether it's your preferences and choices or others’ personal lives, you don’t judge other people for their sexual lives. It includes respecting other people’s sexual practices and relationships as long as they are safe and consensual.
Being sex-positive means embracing all consensual expressions of sexuality as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and promoting sexual education and dialogue. It emphasizes respect, consent, and communication in sexual relationships, advocating for the removal of shame and stigma surrounding our sex lives. This perspective supports the idea that sexual diversity in desires, identities, and practices is normal and should be accepted without judgment.
