If you only knew unicorns as magical creatures that resemble a horse, we have a surprise for you!
Unicorns have a completely different meaning when it comes to relationships. If you’re curious, continue reading this article to find out what unicorn in dating stands for, what are the rules, and whether it’s something worth trying for you.
What is a unicorn in dating?
A unicorn in a relationship is a third person who joins the couple in the bedroom, on dates, or even becomes a more-or-less full-time member of the romantic relationship.
Unicorn dating is one of the newer dating terms that fall into one of the varieties of polyamorous relationships and implies that everyone in the threesome gives their full consent to the arrangement. The unicorn is often pansexual, meaning they are attracted to all genders which makes them a perfect addition to any couple. Moreover, unicorns don’t get jealous of the couple as they’re in it for the good times, but they’re still able to build a connection that enriches the lives of all three.
If you try to describe a unicorn relationship in a few words, you can probably say that it’s a committed non-commitment long-term threesome with a friends-with-benefits effect.
We can speculate on the origin of the term all day, but it’s likely that people use the word “unicorn” to describe this situation because it’s just as elusive and impossible to find as the original mythical creature. With such an arrangement, someone is often bound to get hurt because feelings and intimacy are tricky. Still, there are unicorns and couples who swear by this arrangement and believe it’s only making their romances better and share great stories about it.
Who is a unicorn hunter?
Unicorn hunters are essentially couples who are looking for unicorns to join their relationship. The term is seemingly innocent but is largely negative these days in the LGBTQIA+ community. Many couples are being a little too aggressive in their searches, and a lot of them don’t see the unicorn as a person but rather as a breathing sex toy that can fulfill their wildest dreams.
In order to avoid being called a unicorn hunter, be respectful and remember that all unicorns are real people with their emotions and goals, and just because they’re up for spicy bedroom arrangements, doesn’t mean you can treat them as lesser-than.
Should you be a unicorn? Possible benefits for you
At Flure, we are all for sexual curiosity. Trying yourself as a unicorn can bring many benefits to open-minded and curious individuals.
- Explore your sexuality and enrich your experience in the bedroom.
- Have your sexual needs met – dating a couple means regular sex which is an important part of every adult’s life.
- Have your emotional needs met, although this might not be available to the unicorn if the agreement with the couple is purely sexual.
- Getting a unique opportunity to be the third person in the relationship without a negative connotation. Normally you’d be considered a homewrecker or a third wheel, but as a unicorn, you are welcomed with open arms, and nobody (at least theoretically) gets hurt.
- Comfort and safety that comes with being “in a relationship” with a couple. Unlike with one-night stands, here you won’t risk catching STIs and being disappointed with random hookups with strangers.
How to become a unicorn in a relationship
If dating a couple sounds like a dream to you, you can try becoming a unicorn in someone’s relationship.
But before you sign up on online dating apps and post a PSA on Facebook, as yourself:
- What is my sexuality?
- What am I ready to try and what is a no-no for me in the bedroom and in the relationship?
- What kind of experiences am I looking for from this arrangement?
- What do I expect from the couple – sex only, emotional intimacy, a friendship, or all of the above?
- Am I ready to be someone else’s sexual fantasy?
Being a unicorn in a relationship can be fun and beautiful, but it can also be messy and uncomfortable. That’s why it’s so important to be honest with yourself and not jump the gun without some inner reflections. Also, the more you know and understand yourself, the better you’ll be able to communicate your desires and boundaries to the couple.
Some couples are looking for a unicorn to build a genuine romantic connection with someone outside of their relationship. Others will want to experience their sexual fantasies come to life. Both cases have the right to exist, but, as a potential unicorn, you need to be aware of the objectification that often follows unicorns, and choose whether or not you’re okay with that.
Once you’re done with self-reflection, look for insider information. Not everyone is ready to share their unicorn experiences or even acknowledge them. Luckily, we have the internet these days, so you can find anything and everything online. Take people’s stories with a grain of salt, but research what others are saying about having a unicorn or being one. You’ll probably learn about many nuances that haven’t crossed your mind if you’ve never dealt with the unicorn situation personally.
Lastly, sign up on dating apps, state your intentions, and start chatting with potential couples. Good luck!
How to find a unicorn for your relationship
There are three main ways couples find their unicorns:
- Accidental hookup with a third person who turns into a unicorn for the pair.
- Intentional unicorn search among friends and acquaintances.
- Utilizing online dating apps and portals to find a unicorn.
In Flure’s opinion, the two latter options are the best. If you end up with a unicorn accidentally, there’s a big risk of someone not being happy with the arrangement, but too shy to speak up.
Before you start reaching out to potential prospects, talk to your partner and agree on the following:
- Are you looking for a male, female, or non-binary unicorn?
- What are your boundaries? Are you looking for sex only, a friendship too, or something else?
- What if one of you falls in love with the unicorn? It’s a very real situation, so you better have this tough conversation beforehand and cancel your expansion plans if you’re not ready to deal with the aftermath of emotional infidelity.
- Can you spend time with the unicorn separately or is it an all-or-nothing situation?
The rules of unicorn polyamory
Just like any relationship, unicorn dating has its rules that help avoid the most common problems. That’s why, before we sign off, let’s go through some do’s and don'ts to make sure you only have fun in the bedroom, no matter if you’re a guest star or a funky couple looking for someone to shake things up their romance.
The do’s of unicorn dating
Here is a short list of recommendations that will help keep your unicorn love story a happy endeavor.
- Communicate your boundaries, desires, and expectations from the start.
- Get consent from all parties and ask for it again later if your situation changes.
- Promote an open and safe atmosphere in your romantic group.
- Speak up and encourage others to do the same if your feelings change.
The don’ts of unicorn dating
Here’s what we’d recommend avoiding in your poly relationship.
- Changing the rules and boundaries of the arrangement without confirming it with everyone first.
- Forgetting about your partner and switching all your attention to the unicorn.
- Favoring one person from the couple over the other as a unicorn.
- Making assumptions about how others feel and what they want, instead of having an open conversation.
Final tip: We’re all human, and our emotions are complex. One of the three people can fall in love or get jealous. Nobody wants to discuss it at the beginning because it’s not really hot and sexy. Yet, don’t skip this as you’ll be talking about your little unicorn family. Agree on how you should proceed if one of you starts to develop feelings that are out of the initial agreement. Hopefully, you won’t have to address it at all, but if you do, it will be much easier to handle with a plan in place.
