Finding yourself in the friend zone can be heartbreaking, annoying, traumatic for the ego, and weird.
Sometimes, people we like don't like us back in the same way, and there's nothing we can do about it. In other cases, there are ways to secure ourselves from ending up in the friend zone or minimize the chances of finding ourselves there.
And if that’s where you've inevitably ended up, being just a friend to a crush you're head over heels for, you can get over it and move on.
What is a friend zone?
The friend zone is a term that describes situations where person A has a romantic interest in person B, but the feeling is not mutual. Person B is only interested in a friendship and keeping their relationship platonic.
How to know when you’re in the friend zone?
Friend zone seems rather straightforward in theory, but many people fail to see that that’s where they are. This can happen because they’re too in love to see the reality or they’ve been friends for a while, so their crush is naturally warmer towards them, so it’s hard to tell.
Here are the key aspects of the friend zone:
- Lack of romantic interest from your object of desire. They’re not entertaining flirting with you, don’t have sexual attraction, and aren’t responding to any hints that you give them.
- There is a strong companionship between the two people. They are emotionally close and have long-established trust.
- There is an imbalance of feelings. One person is very interested in taking the relationship to the next level and becoming a romantic couple, whereas the other is not.
Another aspect of a friend zone that is somewhat problematic is the sense of entitlement to romance that many feel. Just because they have feelings for someone, they assume that the friend or acquaintance has to respond to that and happily agree to a romantic relationship.
Entitlement is often a product of confusion, which the person in love sees as deceiving behavior. When someone treats them kindly and gets closer to them, they automatically assume that there must be romance involved. As a result, they feel frustrated and annoyed at the person for “betraying” them.
The dark side of the friend zone
Sometimes, the friend zone initiator is not at all innocent and engages in toxic behavior, such as:
- Flirting and complimenting
- Texting all the time, as if they’re an item
- Getting jealous when the person gets attention from other men
- Acting as if he’s interested romantically but then saying he’s not
All those behavior patterns are red flags. If you like someone, but they tell you they don’t feel the same and still act kind of flirty, a serious conversation needs to be had. Tell them how this makes you feel, set boundaries, and tell them about the consequences of not following the rules.
Treating you like that isn’t fair, and you should never allow it, especially when you’re vulnerable emotionally.
How to get out of the friend zone with a guy?
Getting out of a friend zone with a guy is definitely possible, and it’s happened before.
There are steps you can take to shift the dynamic and help him see you in a different light. There’s no guarantee, of course, but if you really like him, then it makes sense to try.
#1 Prioritize yourself
It feels like we give this advice in every situation, and it’s true!
When it comes to relationships, it always makes sense to focus on yourself. We’re not encouraging you to be narcissistic or anything like that, but putting yourself first is paramount to a happy life and happy relationships with others.
When you care for yourself physically and mentally, work on your goals, and live a whole and exciting life, you naturally have a stronger sense of self-worth and self-esteem. You’re not hyper-fixating on a boy, and you radiate confidence.
That’s what most people are naturally attracted to – an independent baddie with a lot going on. Anyone will be happy to date you! Not just the guy who friend-zoned you.
By the way, it’s possible that once you prioritize yourself and improve your life, you will no longer be interested in this person who triggered the positive change, and that’s okay.
#2 Take a step back
Let him miss you. If you’re in his face all the time, you become a natural part of the scene, someone who’s always there, and someone he shouldn’t worry about.
Creating a bit of a distance will be super helpful in both getting out of the friend zone and helping you see the situation. Perhaps you don’t like him like that, but you spend too much time together. And if you like him, allowing some space will give him a chance to miss you. Once you’re out of sight, he might rethink his feelings towards you.
So next time you want to invite him somewhere, ring one of your girlfriends instead. And if he suggests doing something together, tell him you’re busy.
#3 Assess the situation
While you’re giving him space and working on enhancing your life, take some time to assess what’s really going on between you two.
- Is he ever flirting with you?
- Is he in a relationship or situationship with someone right now?
- Do you think he simply does not yet realize he likes you?
Depending on the answers, you might want to hold off opening up to the guy, especially if he’s currently with someone else. The choice is yours though!
#4 Try new and exciting experiences together
One of the ways to shift the dynamic between you two is by doing something new.
If you guys always hang out in the same spots doing exactly the same things, suggest something radically different. For example, take a day trip to a town nearby that you’ve always talked about but never been to. Or sign yourselves up for a new sport you’ve never tried, such as squash.
#5 Work on that chemistry
What if you’re in the friend zone because the guy has no idea you’re interested?
Sometimes we think that our words and actions speak for themselves, but the other person may be completely clueless. If that might be your case, start building up that chemistry. Tease him playfully, give compliments, maintain eye contact, and touch him lightly during conversations.
#6 Make your move
If you haven’t yet had this conversation, it’s time to make it happen! Come clean and tell him how you feel. Sometimes being upfront and direct is the best move. Yes, it’s risky as there won’t be a way back after that, at least not immediately, but that’s how you’ll know for sure.
Hoping, worrying, and praying for him to make a first move and profess his feelings is not always a good strategy. Have a deep talk with him, rip the bandaid off quickly, and you’ll know once and for all.
Tip: Don’t be demanding, pressuring, or give ultimatums. Instead, tell him how much you value your friendship, and share that you’ve started seeing him in a different light and that you want to hear his thoughts on it.
#7 Move forward
If the guy tells you he likes you, great! If he’s unsure, let him think about it and give him space.
If your crush says he’s not into this kind of relationship with you, the best strategy is to accept it and move on gracefully. In that case, it’s primarily up to you to decide if you’d like to continue being friends or if your feelings are too strong to handle.
Try to remain calm and friendly, as it’s probably very hard for the guy. Unless he is a psychopath, he doesn’t enjoy hurting people, especially the ones he sees as his dear friends. Reassure him that everything is fine and allow yourself some time to think through the next step.
How to get out of the friend zone with a guy through text?
If you guys are mostly texting, you can carry out the entire operation of de-friend-zoning yourself via the chat.
Start by changing the tone of your conversations, introduce light flirting, tease him a bit here and there, and don’t respond to him instantly all the time. Show him you’re busy doing other fun things. Better yet, do those fun things! Treat chatting with him as a secondary priority – don’t reply quickly, but make this convo fun and cheeky when you do.
How to get over being friendzoned
Being in a friend zone sucks at first, but it’s not exclusively a negative scenario.
Relationships don’t always work out, but friendships have a much higher chance of surviving through the decades.
If you’ve known someone for a long time and suddenly realize that you want more than a friendship, take a step back and reflect. Is it really what you want, or does the proximity to the friend confuse you and cause you to see them as more than a buddy? You’ll likely return to “normal” in a couple of weeks, so wait a bit before making a move.
Flure isn’t just a dating app – it’s your gateway to meaningful connections and unforgettable experiences. Whether you’re seeking new friendships, someone special, or just exploring, Flure makes it easy to find your kind of people. Built on trust, safety, and authenticity, Flure turns your online dating into something truly magical. Ready to make connections that matter? Join Flure today and see where it takes you!
FAQ
When does a guy friend zone you?
Most of the time, a guy will friend zone you when they don’t see you as a potential romantic partner. It’s also possible that they have someone more desirable on the horizon, so they’re shelving you for now.
If a guy calls me a friend am I friendzoned?
Either that or he’s looking to have a situationship with you and avoids putting labels on your relationship that could lead to commitment.
Does friendzoning a guy make him want you more?
Depending on the guy, he will chase you more or less after you friend-zone him. However, if you really like him, it’s best to not play those games and he might feel betrayed and manipulated.
